(freewriting)
MY FIRST FREEWRITING IN A YEAR: I feel blocked. The great road that I worked on for months and months to break down the barrier is closed. I was tingling feeling energies and vibrations that I never saw before. Seeing things I never saw, seeing with my eyes closed. I am now numb and dumb, clumpsy and forgetful, mostly the way I was before unlocked myself to natures door/ I want to be who I am, ev...en if I have to face anxiety and pain. It is better to feel everything then nothing at all/ I want my heart back open and my charkas. My signals to go in the right dirrections, not to be sickk to my stomachache, nauseas, food smells making me sick. I want to embrace my life again and enjoy my coconut oil. I don’t care if you think I am crazy, at least I am happy and doing right for the world.
*For anyone suffering Chronic Pain and Anxiety or Depression, probably due to your chronic pain there is a new world out there for you to discover, and oddly this new world is yourself. I was in two car accidents in Oct. last year and fell on the same shoulder in June. As I type I am crying from pain because I fell out of the bed. After taking things such as Cortisone shots, drugs such as tramadol, Percocet, oxycodone, Flexeril, Naproxen, Vicoden, sleeping pills and others I can't remember, nothing helped. I have always been into holistic healing and it seemed as though the Western World could help me. Nor did I want to be on pills that are addicting me and killing my body at the same time. I moved back to Maui for a few months and did acupuncture. I went into it not knowing what to expect, and it changed my life. It took away my pain in one session more than any of the medicines I listed combined. I also started meditating even more every day, changed my toothpaste, getting myself in harmony with nature, eating organic, GMO free food and always being aware.
I started to develop powers which I though were a little strange. I have always been intuitive, but this was to a much greater extent. Every time I meditated my whole body would tingle. My pineal gland (third eye) would tingle a lot, I allowed my body to take in and push out love to wherever it needed to be. I started to fall asleep without even taking medicine and waking up fully energized. It was like I was finally in tune with nature and it we were literally talking. Whatever I needed was provided for me, I finally felt my anxiety turn into LOVE.
Sadly, even though I was feeling so great I still had some bad pain every day. Since I have no insurance and cant get a generalized shot my doctor advised me to see a psychiatrist since there are medicines for chronic pain. My stomach sank feeling very uncomfortable putting a chemical In my body that could block pain signals. It just didn't feel natural. I was on a very good path up to this past Wednesday when I was prescribed Neurontin, I figured if I tried a small does I would be alright and can always get off of it. It is now Sunday and I feel shut off. Like someone flipped a switch and I'm doing meditation after meditation trying to break through to the cosmic world.
From my experience, and in my opinion it is much better to get in touch with nature than numb yourself out. I had a gut feeling this would happen but not to the extreme. Please let me know any thoughts, or if you need help or have suggestions.
I would also like to thank Deborah from IAO acupuncte.
