All my life i've been waiting for....
*Sometimes I lay under the moon, and thank god i'm breathing. And i pray don't take me soon, because i am here for a reason. Sometimes in my tears i drown but i never let it get me down, so when negativety surrounds, i know it will all turn around. because all my life, i've been waiting for...
ONE DAY
That day is is now. That day was yesterday, 5 months ago, two weeks from now. Tomorrow.
Happiness warms my body in the 45 degree weather, thinking about that moment,
me and my family, dancing to our song...our arms around each other...about 8 or us or so.
How close we got so soon.
I am so blessed. We are blessed to have found each other. On an island, in the middle of no where.
Something brought us together.
LOVE.
Our instant bond, loyalty, open hearted love has changed my life.
MUCHO MAHALOS.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
across the US hearts beat together
3000 miles away can turn you on 7000 miles can turn you on
but not like the way i do when we are against one another
seceret crushes, desperate rushes. influxes of infaction of the situation
ryan tried to drill in my head free love.
love is free.
but isn't it supposed to be special?
a night of seceret crushes, a past where my hair was dark and my skin was light
my my hair is blonde and my soul is light
not being able to be regonized, by my size, color or energy...
constantly changing.
seceret crushes turn to more.
i dont get why my heart it set on somethign i shouldn't adore.
you said the same words about me a month ago...
who will be the next? this sick game you play online, on the phone or on the text.
we are all guilty, of our lies and disguise. but what for. so you want me more?
i just want to be real, know the deal, feel how you feel.
propisitions, intutions, dates, calls, texts emails,
comparision, something that is unfair-a-sion.
430 in the morning and my heart is bleeding with words.
the problem is i know whats right in my heart you just need to know what you deserve.
i used to do the same to you, and u said the same about me
give it a few weeks, and she will also be a used to be.
not many people come in my life, that i let go...
i had my ten year reuion tonight, with almost everyone i know
i can only buy so much of your convient bullshit. and i am running out of money.
but here i am typing away....it's almost funny...
sexuality can be transecened in many forms.
love can not. fucking love. getting hit on, groped, putting my head down and mope.
trying to dance to a beat myself a guy putting his arms around me like he owns my shelf.
i slap his hand and said to get away. sorry sir. its not ur day.
two days and a new crew. the only thing that is missing
is you.
but not like the way i do when we are against one another
seceret crushes, desperate rushes. influxes of infaction of the situation
ryan tried to drill in my head free love.
love is free.
but isn't it supposed to be special?
a night of seceret crushes, a past where my hair was dark and my skin was light
my my hair is blonde and my soul is light
not being able to be regonized, by my size, color or energy...
constantly changing.
seceret crushes turn to more.
i dont get why my heart it set on somethign i shouldn't adore.
you said the same words about me a month ago...
who will be the next? this sick game you play online, on the phone or on the text.
we are all guilty, of our lies and disguise. but what for. so you want me more?
i just want to be real, know the deal, feel how you feel.
propisitions, intutions, dates, calls, texts emails,
comparision, something that is unfair-a-sion.
430 in the morning and my heart is bleeding with words.
the problem is i know whats right in my heart you just need to know what you deserve.
i used to do the same to you, and u said the same about me
give it a few weeks, and she will also be a used to be.
not many people come in my life, that i let go...
i had my ten year reuion tonight, with almost everyone i know
i can only buy so much of your convient bullshit. and i am running out of money.
but here i am typing away....it's almost funny...
sexuality can be transecened in many forms.
love can not. fucking love. getting hit on, groped, putting my head down and mope.
trying to dance to a beat myself a guy putting his arms around me like he owns my shelf.
i slap his hand and said to get away. sorry sir. its not ur day.
two days and a new crew. the only thing that is missing
is you.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Sparks and Butterfly Kisses
The last words out of my mouth before break was, "I want to meet somebody new".
I was wearing tight black pants, and a form fitting white see through-ish t shirt, hair in a pony tail; rolled out of bed faced. I had 5 minutes left, and he stopped me. I usually say no I am not interested, but he was different. The second I looked into his blue eyes, i felt the energy. It was an amazing 5 minutes. He said he would come visit me later. I am such a sucker for blue eyes and brown hair...especially guys who are foreign and are jewish (the jewish part i have never said until the past 2 years).
I figured out in the second before i started writing this.
I lit my lighter, far away from what i was lighting, what i wanted to be lit sparked, without the lighter coming close to it. The energy transformed before my eyes. The Fire burning so bright, made another spark. And thats what we do.
We make sparks.
I love the sparks.
That is my favorite part.
No matter how we act, we truely attract what we want, what believe, what we deserve.
Surival of the fittest. I think I am going to study the psychological human evolution. Humans, how we have come to have certain characteristics.Why some are so weak minded, other strong, some delusional, others balance.
Why? I find myself asking that question over and over. Curious George.
So I guess I lied, I can be bothered, if I really want to. And thats the truth.
You do what you want. You can make the time, if you want.
I am picky with who I think is worthy of my time, after all...
"I have a party to attend"
Always on the move. ..Queen bee's need to rest sometimes.
I will indulge in a bubble bath....wash my body with the same soap you do...
your warm soapy bubbles all over my body...i miss that...yummmmm :)
you can't stop the energy....
dont let the energy stop you.
I was wearing tight black pants, and a form fitting white see through-ish t shirt, hair in a pony tail; rolled out of bed faced. I had 5 minutes left, and he stopped me. I usually say no I am not interested, but he was different. The second I looked into his blue eyes, i felt the energy. It was an amazing 5 minutes. He said he would come visit me later. I am such a sucker for blue eyes and brown hair...especially guys who are foreign and are jewish (the jewish part i have never said until the past 2 years).
I figured out in the second before i started writing this.
I lit my lighter, far away from what i was lighting, what i wanted to be lit sparked, without the lighter coming close to it. The energy transformed before my eyes. The Fire burning so bright, made another spark. And thats what we do.
We make sparks.
I love the sparks.
That is my favorite part.
No matter how we act, we truely attract what we want, what believe, what we deserve.
Surival of the fittest. I think I am going to study the psychological human evolution. Humans, how we have come to have certain characteristics.Why some are so weak minded, other strong, some delusional, others balance.
Why? I find myself asking that question over and over. Curious George.
So I guess I lied, I can be bothered, if I really want to. And thats the truth.
You do what you want. You can make the time, if you want.
I am picky with who I think is worthy of my time, after all...
"I have a party to attend"
Always on the move. ..Queen bee's need to rest sometimes.
I will indulge in a bubble bath....wash my body with the same soap you do...
your warm soapy bubbles all over my body...i miss that...yummmmm :)
you can't stop the energy....
dont let the energy stop you.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Purity
"All things created perish" He who knows and sees this becomes passive in pain. This is the way to purity" -DhammapadaFinally.
a finale....with a sneak preview ahead.
i still will do what i do when i do how i do.
i always knew, thats why i forgave you
actions speak louder than words
a woman's intution, silly superstition.
we share the same dreams but fight different battles
swimming against the current like a school of fish.
we are all one.
united we stand, devided we fall.
fall. one of the most beautiful times of years.
it always happens this time of year, repeatedly repeated. the cycle.
i moved on last month with high hopes in my heart putting blinders on my eyes,
maybe i should have looked harder.
i have 20/20 vision today.
text messages, im's, smiles across barnes and noble, e mails from strangers, accidently bumping into me at the bar, late night phone calls, groping, whistles, skin touching, tounges tasting. i can't be bothered.
i am busy, don't you know?
and thats where we are the same. we are so busy, looking out for our best interest.
thats why i moved, thats why you moved. to make our lives happen.
focus. focus. focus. clear your fucking mind.
i hope you read this. i hope you all awaken.
i want to reach the state of nirvana, because once you do nothing can take you away. barnes and noble today i read the teachings of buddah, hoped a hot guy would sit next to me
and he did. the law of attraction. him hitting on me was good enough. i couldn't be bothered.
i had to do some self improvement.
constanlty on the move over the last few years, taking 4 months out of the years purposely working
and working and working away.
* not caring about anything but one of my favorite forms of green to take me away on a new adventure.*
not getting the chance to know anyone, and letting the ones i do know go.
such is life. i am sorry. like i said my selfishness is my selflessness, in my perception.
perhaps i self distruct. a time bomb ticking away. delibriting making myself happy, and ruining it.
i thrive on emotion. my words are emotion and passion.
i love love. i love you. i dont care. im not ashamed. these ups and downs.
this roller coaster ride is making me want to puke.
butterflies in my stomache flutter till i meditate them out of my mouth, throwing up the wings splattering the walls.
then the quiet before the storm.
the storm hits
distruction and devistation.
we come together.
and start again.
and that is it.
i think i found the answer.
My Favorite Quotes from my Readings Today by the Dhammapada Teachings of Buddah:
"Victory breeds hatred, for the conquered is unhappy. He who has given up both victory and defeat, the contended is happy"
"From greed comes grief, from greed comes fear, he who is free from greed knows neither grief nor fear"
"The fields are damged by weeds, mankind is damaged by passion, hatred, vanity and lust. Therefor a gift bestowed on those who are free brings great reward"
a finale....with a sneak preview ahead.
i still will do what i do when i do how i do.
i always knew, thats why i forgave you
actions speak louder than words
a woman's intution, silly superstition.
we share the same dreams but fight different battles
swimming against the current like a school of fish.
we are all one.
united we stand, devided we fall.
fall. one of the most beautiful times of years.
it always happens this time of year, repeatedly repeated. the cycle.
i moved on last month with high hopes in my heart putting blinders on my eyes,
maybe i should have looked harder.
i have 20/20 vision today.
text messages, im's, smiles across barnes and noble, e mails from strangers, accidently bumping into me at the bar, late night phone calls, groping, whistles, skin touching, tounges tasting. i can't be bothered.
i am busy, don't you know?
and thats where we are the same. we are so busy, looking out for our best interest.
thats why i moved, thats why you moved. to make our lives happen.
focus. focus. focus. clear your fucking mind.
i hope you read this. i hope you all awaken.
i want to reach the state of nirvana, because once you do nothing can take you away. barnes and noble today i read the teachings of buddah, hoped a hot guy would sit next to me
and he did. the law of attraction. him hitting on me was good enough. i couldn't be bothered.
i had to do some self improvement.
constanlty on the move over the last few years, taking 4 months out of the years purposely working
and working and working away.
* not caring about anything but one of my favorite forms of green to take me away on a new adventure.*
not getting the chance to know anyone, and letting the ones i do know go.
such is life. i am sorry. like i said my selfishness is my selflessness, in my perception.
perhaps i self distruct. a time bomb ticking away. delibriting making myself happy, and ruining it.
i thrive on emotion. my words are emotion and passion.
i love love. i love you. i dont care. im not ashamed. these ups and downs.
this roller coaster ride is making me want to puke.
butterflies in my stomache flutter till i meditate them out of my mouth, throwing up the wings splattering the walls.
then the quiet before the storm.
the storm hits
distruction and devistation.
we come together.
and start again.
and that is it.
i think i found the answer.
My Favorite Quotes from my Readings Today by the Dhammapada Teachings of Buddah:
"Victory breeds hatred, for the conquered is unhappy. He who has given up both victory and defeat, the contended is happy"
"From greed comes grief, from greed comes fear, he who is free from greed knows neither grief nor fear"
"The fields are damged by weeds, mankind is damaged by passion, hatred, vanity and lust. Therefor a gift bestowed on those who are free brings great reward"
Signals over the air
Thursday, "Signals over the Air"
Sometimes things sound better with music in the background...
sugar coated cookies....
"when you say my name i wanna split it from your lips"
hostility is not one of my abilities....
so much to say, yet not a lot of time
like a race....
the toirtise and the hair.....
one too fast, one to slow...
somewhere in the middle don't you know?
i lost everything i had to say........
emotions take over my thoughts, my actions
step back and breathe.
think it through....but thats not what you do when your a writer.
distortion social abortion a contorsion
honesty, lies to comprimise.
go save your soul
mine is saved.
its a bittersweet symphony thats life.....
we can all change....
but changing makes us go in another direction
i am doing this for me. not for you, or you or you.
i love you all. but infact its my selfishness that makes me selfess.
i learn and share, share and learn.
try it.
don't buy into the schemes, the words.
over and out.
my signal is over the air.
*there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on the radio.
there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on the radio.
that's where we hide
the love and lies and sex, on the radio*
Sometimes things sound better with music in the background...
sugar coated cookies....
"when you say my name i wanna split it from your lips"
hostility is not one of my abilities....
so much to say, yet not a lot of time
like a race....
the toirtise and the hair.....
one too fast, one to slow...
somewhere in the middle don't you know?
i lost everything i had to say........
emotions take over my thoughts, my actions
step back and breathe.
think it through....but thats not what you do when your a writer.
distortion social abortion a contorsion
honesty, lies to comprimise.
go save your soul
mine is saved.
its a bittersweet symphony thats life.....
we can all change....
but changing makes us go in another direction
i am doing this for me. not for you, or you or you.
i love you all. but infact its my selfishness that makes me selfess.
i learn and share, share and learn.
try it.
don't buy into the schemes, the words.
over and out.
my signal is over the air.
*there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on the radio.
there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on the radio.
that's where we hide
the love and lies and sex, on the radio*
Friday, November 19, 2010
Walking on Sunshine...Whoa-Oh-oh
My brain is clogged, i dont even know what i am going to write in this blog,
i just know that i have something to say, my words flow more each passing day...
its 240 am and asleep i should be, i have to make lots of honey because i am the queen bee...
a new job awaits me on sunday, where i am in charge, i will be good, my force will be large
and on the side because i am so driven, a second chance is what i have been given
since i am one of the best workers at my new career, letting me go caused a lot of fear
they will let me work there on my days off, i was given a second chance, tomorrow night i will celebrate and dance
tomorrow my family will be together, my baby bowser too, we will snug up together like we always do
he likes to lay in the curves of my calves sniffing and snorting, fitting perfectly together, half and half...
i must go to sleep, i dont want to waste the day; i want to walk in the sunshine as i shape up right away...
i will be walking on sunshine....whoaaaaaa.....and i feel good :)
i just know that i have something to say, my words flow more each passing day...
its 240 am and asleep i should be, i have to make lots of honey because i am the queen bee...
a new job awaits me on sunday, where i am in charge, i will be good, my force will be large
and on the side because i am so driven, a second chance is what i have been given
since i am one of the best workers at my new career, letting me go caused a lot of fear
they will let me work there on my days off, i was given a second chance, tomorrow night i will celebrate and dance
tomorrow my family will be together, my baby bowser too, we will snug up together like we always do
he likes to lay in the curves of my calves sniffing and snorting, fitting perfectly together, half and half...
i must go to sleep, i dont want to waste the day; i want to walk in the sunshine as i shape up right away...
i will be walking on sunshine....whoaaaaaa.....and i feel good :)
Oatmeal
I eat the oatmeal you once fed me..
after we woke up in a warm bed snuggled up with our two puppies...
picture perfect...
2 backpacks....2 puppies....a tent and a sleeping bag..
thats all i needed...for weeks...
we lived off the land and took care of one another...
i had one dog in one hand and u had the other in yours...
we'd go to the beach and let them run around
trusting everyone knowing they would come back safe and sound...
jungle green has apearing....
signals from the middle of no where...
coconut wireless was my favorite device...
sleeping in the cane fields and meeting up in the trees
now i am surrounded by tall buildings and electricty...
they narrow down the signals you send to me...
all i want....is to return to the sea...
i will be as happy as can be...
drifting by you see me....
dancing all night hands in the air
we danced infront of the dj without a care
so much energy runned through my veins
you told me not to be selfish, not be vain....
i openend up my palms and let it go...
shared my love with everyone...i let it flow...
how much i learned in a short period of time...
free love, art, expression, energizing ryhtmic flow, temptation, sensation, as far west to as far east of our nation....you feel what you love and you love what you feel.....all of this is real
after we woke up in a warm bed snuggled up with our two puppies...
picture perfect...
2 backpacks....2 puppies....a tent and a sleeping bag..
thats all i needed...for weeks...
we lived off the land and took care of one another...
i had one dog in one hand and u had the other in yours...
we'd go to the beach and let them run around
trusting everyone knowing they would come back safe and sound...
jungle green has apearing....
signals from the middle of no where...
coconut wireless was my favorite device...
sleeping in the cane fields and meeting up in the trees
now i am surrounded by tall buildings and electricty...
they narrow down the signals you send to me...
all i want....is to return to the sea...
i will be as happy as can be...
drifting by you see me....
dancing all night hands in the air
we danced infront of the dj without a care
so much energy runned through my veins
you told me not to be selfish, not be vain....
i openend up my palms and let it go...
shared my love with everyone...i let it flow...
how much i learned in a short period of time...
free love, art, expression, energizing ryhtmic flow, temptation, sensation, as far west to as far east of our nation....you feel what you love and you love what you feel.....all of this is real
Forever Young
We were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and I had a video camera in my hand...
the song "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart was playing repeatedly throughout this dream...
i woke up with it in my head.
I put the camera on my nana....she was right there with me...
it has been so long since she has come to me...
I heard her say my name...but that is all i can remember....
it was me and my whole family...
mom, dad, sister, me and my grandma...
somehow it went bad and we were invaded by Asian pirates...
they kidnapped and drugged my mom and gramda..
they left me and my sister and dad on the boat...
forever young is still in the background....
for some reason we wind up in oregon...we are in a big house
my sister was waiting outside in the car while me and my dad went to rescue my mom and his mom.
we found them in a room, my grandma was okay and my mom was not...she said that they are coming back soon. we carried them to the car hid them under some blankets in our big van and drove down the country road.....my dream flashed back to a close up of my grandma on the camera...
forever young playing in the background...
i woke up in a panic...with that song stuck in my head...its still playing as i type this....
what does this all mean?
forever young........focused on my grandma who lived till she was 94...
are we all forever young?
are we all young forever?
i don't know......but i think so and i hope so...
at work the other day i met a lady who was 95....she comes up to me, starts chatting and goes "Sarah....i like your name....my next door neighbor's name is Sarah and she is 93....you are going to live a long time" as she looked me right in the eyes. it sent chills down my spine, she was so serious. she blessed me and i said thank you and blessed her too.
for the past two weeks, there have been constant patterns or themes in my life. I believe you attract things based on the waves of your brain and your energy. I also seem to attract the same things when things are going the way they are supposed to be going. Balanced.
I think back to last month how unbalanced i was, and i am so glad to be on the right path again. No more working at a crazy store worrying about my parent's life, going to the hospital all day. I work 40 hours a week, soon to be more, and I am happy. I get to do what i like, pretend i am in Maui while i hoola hoop and sip on fruit smoothies. Meditate, pilates, walk, play jepordy against my dad...which i am actually really good at. A routine. Humans are creatures of Routine.
Speaking of which, in my Routine I usually don't fall asleep till around 2am...last night i fell asleep before 11.
I woke up with the song Forever Young stuck in my head with my nana's face. The phone rings...my dad's voice almost like he was talking to his mother. People have different tones in the voice when they are talking to their mother, friend, lover, co-worker, boss or stranger...I miss that tone in his voice...
Back to yesterday...
Rewind....
yesterday 10pm....what i meant to say...
My powers have been strong recently. My energy high. As yesterday I talked about distruction, I seemed to destroy almost everything in my path. My energy usually effects electronics when this happens. Things tend to break without me touching them when I am around. It started when i signed my paper work at my new job. I went behind the counter, and the computer started to go nuts, making funny noises. My new co-worker had a funny look on her face and says that never happens, only when it goes on and off. I came home and i threw up....my body had to get rid of something unwanted. I come home from work last night, after telling them that I have to cut back on my hours because I have a new job, and telling my other job I have to quit. The one place was actually happy for me. I was happy. After vocally changing my path i walk into my bedroom...and turned on the light. It makes a spark and the light bulb blows out. About 2 hours later, i turn my tv on. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. This loud irrating noise wouldnt stop, actually making my tv vibrate. I couldn't fix it, my dad pronounced that it was done for. Yesterday (actually 2 days ago) the wind gusts so high, there were advisery's....she was excited and loud...trying to say something. I have had a funny feeling for about two weeks now...Ever since i figured things out....and was finalized in my position. What is going on? Why all the commotion? I go to sleep and have the strangest dream about my family...wake up and see your similiar story. Tears pour from my eyes without me even noticing till it hits the top of my hand. All these coincidences are driving me nuts. There is a heavy feeling in my stomache and a light feeling in my heart.
I figured it out, i am lucky to be smart, but i am also sensitive and a dreamer. In order to make my dreams come true, i have to be smart about it, but my sensitivity gets in the way. Some people are just not smart, yet dream and stay in one place. I feel bad for them. But maybe they don't feel bad for themseleves? I dont know. I guess it is better to be me, not sound concided. I'd rather try and fail then never try and wonder.
the song "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart was playing repeatedly throughout this dream...
i woke up with it in my head.
I put the camera on my nana....she was right there with me...
it has been so long since she has come to me...
I heard her say my name...but that is all i can remember....
it was me and my whole family...
mom, dad, sister, me and my grandma...
somehow it went bad and we were invaded by Asian pirates...
they kidnapped and drugged my mom and gramda..
they left me and my sister and dad on the boat...
forever young is still in the background....
for some reason we wind up in oregon...we are in a big house
my sister was waiting outside in the car while me and my dad went to rescue my mom and his mom.
we found them in a room, my grandma was okay and my mom was not...she said that they are coming back soon. we carried them to the car hid them under some blankets in our big van and drove down the country road.....my dream flashed back to a close up of my grandma on the camera...
forever young playing in the background...
i woke up in a panic...with that song stuck in my head...its still playing as i type this....
what does this all mean?
forever young........focused on my grandma who lived till she was 94...
are we all forever young?
are we all young forever?
i don't know......but i think so and i hope so...
at work the other day i met a lady who was 95....she comes up to me, starts chatting and goes "Sarah....i like your name....my next door neighbor's name is Sarah and she is 93....you are going to live a long time" as she looked me right in the eyes. it sent chills down my spine, she was so serious. she blessed me and i said thank you and blessed her too.
for the past two weeks, there have been constant patterns or themes in my life. I believe you attract things based on the waves of your brain and your energy. I also seem to attract the same things when things are going the way they are supposed to be going. Balanced.
I think back to last month how unbalanced i was, and i am so glad to be on the right path again. No more working at a crazy store worrying about my parent's life, going to the hospital all day. I work 40 hours a week, soon to be more, and I am happy. I get to do what i like, pretend i am in Maui while i hoola hoop and sip on fruit smoothies. Meditate, pilates, walk, play jepordy against my dad...which i am actually really good at. A routine. Humans are creatures of Routine.
Speaking of which, in my Routine I usually don't fall asleep till around 2am...last night i fell asleep before 11.
I woke up with the song Forever Young stuck in my head with my nana's face. The phone rings...my dad's voice almost like he was talking to his mother. People have different tones in the voice when they are talking to their mother, friend, lover, co-worker, boss or stranger...I miss that tone in his voice...
Back to yesterday...
Rewind....
yesterday 10pm....what i meant to say...
My powers have been strong recently. My energy high. As yesterday I talked about distruction, I seemed to destroy almost everything in my path. My energy usually effects electronics when this happens. Things tend to break without me touching them when I am around. It started when i signed my paper work at my new job. I went behind the counter, and the computer started to go nuts, making funny noises. My new co-worker had a funny look on her face and says that never happens, only when it goes on and off. I came home and i threw up....my body had to get rid of something unwanted. I come home from work last night, after telling them that I have to cut back on my hours because I have a new job, and telling my other job I have to quit. The one place was actually happy for me. I was happy. After vocally changing my path i walk into my bedroom...and turned on the light. It makes a spark and the light bulb blows out. About 2 hours later, i turn my tv on. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. This loud irrating noise wouldnt stop, actually making my tv vibrate. I couldn't fix it, my dad pronounced that it was done for. Yesterday (actually 2 days ago) the wind gusts so high, there were advisery's....she was excited and loud...trying to say something. I have had a funny feeling for about two weeks now...Ever since i figured things out....and was finalized in my position. What is going on? Why all the commotion? I go to sleep and have the strangest dream about my family...wake up and see your similiar story. Tears pour from my eyes without me even noticing till it hits the top of my hand. All these coincidences are driving me nuts. There is a heavy feeling in my stomache and a light feeling in my heart.
I figured it out, i am lucky to be smart, but i am also sensitive and a dreamer. In order to make my dreams come true, i have to be smart about it, but my sensitivity gets in the way. Some people are just not smart, yet dream and stay in one place. I feel bad for them. But maybe they don't feel bad for themseleves? I dont know. I guess it is better to be me, not sound concided. I'd rather try and fail then never try and wonder.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Queen Bee
On my path of distruction, i take time to plan my flow and avoid some of the flowers...
as intense as my motives may be, i always take time to make some peace
wind chimes and words that ryhme, take some time......
The Queen be on TV, it was meant to be
she made love to the Song, "Come with Me To the Sea"
there is not a day that passes
where you don't come to me
lets go to the sea...the pacific coast is what what want most
I hibernate and debate, my mind jumping from state to state
Its cold, and I'm getting old.....I want to explore, searching...
learning more....
as intense as my motives may be, i always take time to make some peace
wind chimes and words that ryhme, take some time......
The Queen be on TV, it was meant to be
she made love to the Song, "Come with Me To the Sea"
there is not a day that passes
where you don't come to me
lets go to the sea...the pacific coast is what what want most
I hibernate and debate, my mind jumping from state to state
Its cold, and I'm getting old.....I want to explore, searching...
learning more....
Monday, November 15, 2010
Change
After finishing up a conversation with kelly using the words the words, " I have to go get ready for 90210"....and thinking back to almost 20 years ago....i said the same exact words to her..
20 years ago...till today i still watch Lori Laughlin on tv.
I had a flashback to my dream last night....my TV came on and there was a spiritual leader...he said:
"Things will always change, but the things that matter will stay the same".
I still watch 90210. My family and Friends are still the same. My GBG'S have been my best friends since as early as kindergarden.
All of us still get together, and are going to our reunion together. Our crew.
I thought i saw my nana today, even though she passed away last year.
I stood there, confused unknowing what to say. As i stared at her, i realized it was Mrs. Shapiro; one of my personal customers from years ago, who looks like she is part of my family and ironically shares the same last name as part of my family. I wanted to go up to her, but i was shocked. Even though my nana is no longer physically with me, i feel her spirit everyday. that will never change.
I want to change. I want to stay the same.
10:07 pm
i continue to chase the sun, and i get burned. my body hot...
i refuse to wear sunblock.
i dont need any uv protection.
it will only make me stronger.
i will continue to chase the sun. and i will continue to get burned. my body hot...
i will refuse to wear sunblock.
i dont need any uv protection.
it will only make me stronger.
20 years ago...till today i still watch Lori Laughlin on tv.
I had a flashback to my dream last night....my TV came on and there was a spiritual leader...he said:
"Things will always change, but the things that matter will stay the same".
I still watch 90210. My family and Friends are still the same. My GBG'S have been my best friends since as early as kindergarden.
All of us still get together, and are going to our reunion together. Our crew.
I thought i saw my nana today, even though she passed away last year.
I stood there, confused unknowing what to say. As i stared at her, i realized it was Mrs. Shapiro; one of my personal customers from years ago, who looks like she is part of my family and ironically shares the same last name as part of my family. I wanted to go up to her, but i was shocked. Even though my nana is no longer physically with me, i feel her spirit everyday. that will never change.
I want to change. I want to stay the same.
10:07 pm
i continue to chase the sun, and i get burned. my body hot...
i refuse to wear sunblock.
i dont need any uv protection.
it will only make me stronger.
i will continue to chase the sun. and i will continue to get burned. my body hot...
i will refuse to wear sunblock.
i dont need any uv protection.
it will only make me stronger.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Growing- Up
I love getting to know you as the days pass.... i love how quiet you get....after inhaling through a piece of glass
a month has past. i was on the wrong train, but i found my way home.
i did what makes me happy... and that makes me happy.
i set my goal.
i always win.
a lot of people tell me im confident.
thats because i am.
i know what i want.
you will all know me one day.
perhaps i will be the voice that greets you goodmorning on your favorite radio show.... or that column in the newspaper that you can't wait to read tomorrow. maybe im that warm familiar face you tune into every day after a long day of work. hopefully i will inspire you, set a fire inside of you, make your passion rise...
anything is possible.
my soul knows where it needs to go. the cold is not for me.
i always listen to myself, because only I know. i may ask your advice, but i know the real truth.
i love it.
i love you.
i love going to my new job. there are so many kids that brighten up my day.... we play with the bouncing balls, and the fake guitars, the toy bugs and the remote control cars....
we are all dreaming of stars, wishing upon them. we are them. we are whatever we want to be.
when you are a kid, you believe that...
i still do.
you always ask kids...."what do you want to be when you grow up?"
you never hear an adult ask another adult that....what a shame...
aren't we all dreamers deep inside?
i'm not ashamed to admit it. and its not psychology's "Peter Pan Syndrome".
I may be a grown up- but every day i've learned that we are all growing up....
and thats what life is about, loving, exploring, learning, sharing, growing.....
a month has past. i was on the wrong train, but i found my way home.
i did what makes me happy... and that makes me happy.
i set my goal.
i always win.
a lot of people tell me im confident.
thats because i am.
i know what i want.
you will all know me one day.
perhaps i will be the voice that greets you goodmorning on your favorite radio show.... or that column in the newspaper that you can't wait to read tomorrow. maybe im that warm familiar face you tune into every day after a long day of work. hopefully i will inspire you, set a fire inside of you, make your passion rise...
anything is possible.
my soul knows where it needs to go. the cold is not for me.
i always listen to myself, because only I know. i may ask your advice, but i know the real truth.
i love it.
i love you.
i love going to my new job. there are so many kids that brighten up my day.... we play with the bouncing balls, and the fake guitars, the toy bugs and the remote control cars....
we are all dreaming of stars, wishing upon them. we are them. we are whatever we want to be.
when you are a kid, you believe that...
i still do.
you always ask kids...."what do you want to be when you grow up?"
you never hear an adult ask another adult that....what a shame...
aren't we all dreamers deep inside?
i'm not ashamed to admit it. and its not psychology's "Peter Pan Syndrome".
I may be a grown up- but every day i've learned that we are all growing up....
and thats what life is about, loving, exploring, learning, sharing, growing.....
Saturday, November 13, 2010
114
114....
my birthday......repeatedly has been showing itself everwhere. clocks, phone numbers, i keep seeing this number again and again...
today is 11 14....
he got a chance to do this day over....
i like second chances
as i am deep in thought about the number 114 in my dark dining room, i look into the kitchen to see what time it was....
it was
11:14.
this number energy keeps haunting me...
i believe in a lot of things....
mostly i believe in love.
114
... my birthday. i can close my eyes and imagine how much love there was on that day. i was made out of love. i was made to love. to show love, spread love, love love.
114...a new start.....a second chance. <3
my birthday......repeatedly has been showing itself everwhere. clocks, phone numbers, i keep seeing this number again and again...
today is 11 14....
he got a chance to do this day over....
i like second chances
as i am deep in thought about the number 114 in my dark dining room, i look into the kitchen to see what time it was....
it was
11:14.
this number energy keeps haunting me...
i believe in a lot of things....
mostly i believe in love.
114
... my birthday. i can close my eyes and imagine how much love there was on that day. i was made out of love. i was made to love. to show love, spread love, love love.
114...a new start.....a second chance. <3
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Time
Today is your Tomorrow, and your Tomorrow is my today. Time is not linear, don't listen to what they say. Words come to my brain faster than i can think. I dont think, they just flow and go wherever they want, no control. I need a mini notebook to fit into my little purse. Even then i couldn't write as quickly as my non-thinking thoughts pour out of me. If time is not a line, then what are we walking on? I wanna swim backwards in the ocean, against the tides, its a bumpy ride but worth the challenge. So many offers. So little time. People to see, places to go. things to do. my body needs to move. dance the night away, have fun. not care. Tomorrow, will be my today. today will be my tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Half my life ago...and i Knew
We raced home from school and i played my answering machine, "Sarah......i love you". "How would your mom feel if she heard these messages?" she said. "I don't care", i replied with a grr in my voice. She was just jealous i thought in my head, 14 years ago. I was 14, he was 18. Scandelous now that i come to think about it. Its funny after a certain point how age doesnt matter. "You are living in a fantasy" she said to me. "Maybe I am, but I like it". 14 years later i still I am...living in this fantasy. It's called life. And you can dream it to be all you want and more, and may all your dreams come true. You are what you make it. You are your actions, words, meaning, soul, feelings, heart beating blood through the body in rythem to the waves of the ocean, breathe in....breathe out....long breaths....hold it in. let it go....feel your consciousness open and your mind expand. you are swimming in a bath of warm ocean water. The Venus pools; Maui; Love. Venus is the god of love. How about that?
5:12pm
I walk out of the mall with the biggest smile on my face. I am capable of anything. At the other side of the crosswalk waits a limo. Like a Rainbow to a pot of gold. My gut feeling is one day that limo will be for me. As I begin to walk home, I see the sun setting behind the lake. The "water fowl" are singing some song i never heard before, and it draws me in. Tears of happiness drip down my face as i watch the sun go down, as i pass it to you across the world. I pray that you will feel the joy i am experience now and you see the same rainbow off the reflection of my happines.I stand on the bridge and get lost in the water. Watching its tides move west. How i'd give anything to jump in that lake and go where it takes me. I see a man feeding the ducks, he walks the only the white duck to the water. An angel. It paciently waits and a couple of ducks join it. They start bobbing their heads under wear, creating a circle pattern, that gets bigger and bigger and bigger. 5 ducks, once circle. "Listen to your heart......" some of the words get drowned out by the noise of the traffic on 27.... " I dont know where your going and i don't know why...but Listen to your heart" Sometimes i feel that there is someone following me, playing the soundtrack to my life. As i hear the words that i was just thinking.....
5:12pm
I walk out of the mall with the biggest smile on my face. I am capable of anything. At the other side of the crosswalk waits a limo. Like a Rainbow to a pot of gold. My gut feeling is one day that limo will be for me. As I begin to walk home, I see the sun setting behind the lake. The "water fowl" are singing some song i never heard before, and it draws me in. Tears of happiness drip down my face as i watch the sun go down, as i pass it to you across the world. I pray that you will feel the joy i am experience now and you see the same rainbow off the reflection of my happines.I stand on the bridge and get lost in the water. Watching its tides move west. How i'd give anything to jump in that lake and go where it takes me. I see a man feeding the ducks, he walks the only the white duck to the water. An angel. It paciently waits and a couple of ducks join it. They start bobbing their heads under wear, creating a circle pattern, that gets bigger and bigger and bigger. 5 ducks, once circle. "Listen to your heart......" some of the words get drowned out by the noise of the traffic on 27.... " I dont know where your going and i don't know why...but Listen to your heart" Sometimes i feel that there is someone following me, playing the soundtrack to my life. As i hear the words that i was just thinking.....
Monday, November 8, 2010
I Made the Mall Magical....
Magic is everywhere....
I lifted the candle off the shelf, and took one sniff, Island Nectar. I had a flashback to 6 months ago, we were sitting on the rocky ledge, over looking the pacific. The ocean swirled in rythem to the music, and the moon was full. You are the nectar of this island, he says. Thank you. Is this what i smell like?...i thought to myself. Delicous, i am. Up on my thrown i reign across the land, my stick is filled with precious jewels and gemstones, creating such a power. Nothing but love i demand. Island Nectar.
We looked at each other through the glass, and it was love at first sight. We stared into each other eyes, long loving gazes. I wanted to play with him so bad, snuggle him, take care of him....but he couldn't come out to play...he was just a puppy. An Australian Sheepdog. It was the most cutest thing i ever saw. So tiny and smushy...rawr.....yum....
How it feels so good, to feel that summer joy, on a day where the hail beats upon me and it is dark at 5:30.
2:00am
i wrote him a week or so ago, confused. asking his advice. he has been all over and gets the vibe i am diggin'. i asked him without even noticing his status. a new year. a new start. at one of the most magical parties of the year, the first party of the year. i see it now. vibrations floating in the air. waves and bubbles of energy. hot pink purple. the stars will fire, dance, shoot across the moon, to his tune. bumpin' to the beats, people movin' their feet, bodies whirling and twirling, dancing and swirling. creating the winds of the earth that carry will carry me there. this message keeps following me. i must listen. i am so open. i am ready. i will go where the wind wants. following its patterns. listening to its song. Thank You. I am so greatful.
The Beats that Move Us, Move us All
I lifted the candle off the shelf, and took one sniff, Island Nectar. I had a flashback to 6 months ago, we were sitting on the rocky ledge, over looking the pacific. The ocean swirled in rythem to the music, and the moon was full. You are the nectar of this island, he says. Thank you. Is this what i smell like?...i thought to myself. Delicous, i am. Up on my thrown i reign across the land, my stick is filled with precious jewels and gemstones, creating such a power. Nothing but love i demand. Island Nectar.
We looked at each other through the glass, and it was love at first sight. We stared into each other eyes, long loving gazes. I wanted to play with him so bad, snuggle him, take care of him....but he couldn't come out to play...he was just a puppy. An Australian Sheepdog. It was the most cutest thing i ever saw. So tiny and smushy...rawr.....yum....
How it feels so good, to feel that summer joy, on a day where the hail beats upon me and it is dark at 5:30.
2:00am
i wrote him a week or so ago, confused. asking his advice. he has been all over and gets the vibe i am diggin'. i asked him without even noticing his status. a new year. a new start. at one of the most magical parties of the year, the first party of the year. i see it now. vibrations floating in the air. waves and bubbles of energy. hot pink purple. the stars will fire, dance, shoot across the moon, to his tune. bumpin' to the beats, people movin' their feet, bodies whirling and twirling, dancing and swirling. creating the winds of the earth that carry will carry me there. this message keeps following me. i must listen. i am so open. i am ready. i will go where the wind wants. following its patterns. listening to its song. Thank You. I am so greatful.
The Beats that Move Us, Move us All
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Sky of Diamonds
As i write this i decide to put on Bassnectar's version of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. Who ironically played last night in NYC with Beats Antique. Last night. Beats Antique has always been around for the major positive changes in my life. I think about what it would have been like to be at that show last night. Dancing around the crowd of people energy flowing and following me, sprinkling gold glitter, laughing and clapping...holding hands....enjoying the moment. Last night Last year, i was on my plane back to Maui. A layover outwest, i slept in the cold airport. Destiny of different destinantions on the same plane...on the same plane.......on the same plane....different times and clocks, internally built to to keep in time to one another. Seconds, minutes, hours, years. Going foward and back, traveling time by jumping on the sun and hanging on. Picture that. Me in josh's sun proof jumpsuit holding on, waving coming to say hi to you :). I said i would see you in sky of diamonds and i did it. I drempt i was on a plane. The plane lady woke me and asked if i needed to throw anything away. I awoke to a screen of the sky. A black sky with sparkling diamond stars. Just what i wished for. A spaceship taking me over the pacific, thanks to the little einstein, a cartoon guided through the clouds over the pacific ocean . You were there, and you were there, and even you. Kalidoscope eyes. My tenticals grow bigger again, and it is a lot for me to undestand, but somehow i do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw5-Y569HNQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw5-Y569HNQ
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Lightning in a Bottle Blue
*I've been wearing blue, all weekend through, i know he is resting in peace and there is nothing i can do.
I am in the solarium of an aquarium and im starin' at them, shouldn't be carin' bout them, instead sharin' them. So many fish. Bright orange and blue. Pacific ocean is once where i swam too. Back to the warmth. Time to migrate to the gate of something that i just ate that wasn't blue nore pink; it was a green color with a good stink. I take my wrist and make a fist don't make me twist. For clocks tick and I am the music. Each click of the metronome in tone with the harmony of our sound.
R.I.P. Andy Irons
*I had a dream that i was lightning in a bottle. Literally. Like the dream where i was dubstep. I litereally became it. I felt like it was like to be lightening stuck in a bottle. Vigiriously charged atoms, nuetrons and protons, bouncing off, no where to go but another corner. The intensity makes it glow like fire as the energy builds up. Back and forth it goes around and around the Bottle. It can't escape.
Lighting in a bottle.
* When we are happy our mind expands, our counsciousness is loose and open. When we are sad or angry our consciousness contracts. We are closed. Closed off too energies, to learning. I am so happy to be open. I saw this quote today on an inspirational card, as cliche' as it sounds it really hit me. it said, " In our pusuite of happiness, we have to stop and just be happy". I am happy. I am greatful. I am open. I am me. :)
I am in the solarium of an aquarium and im starin' at them, shouldn't be carin' bout them, instead sharin' them. So many fish. Bright orange and blue. Pacific ocean is once where i swam too. Back to the warmth. Time to migrate to the gate of something that i just ate that wasn't blue nore pink; it was a green color with a good stink. I take my wrist and make a fist don't make me twist. For clocks tick and I am the music. Each click of the metronome in tone with the harmony of our sound.
R.I.P. Andy Irons
*I had a dream that i was lightning in a bottle. Literally. Like the dream where i was dubstep. I litereally became it. I felt like it was like to be lightening stuck in a bottle. Vigiriously charged atoms, nuetrons and protons, bouncing off, no where to go but another corner. The intensity makes it glow like fire as the energy builds up. Back and forth it goes around and around the Bottle. It can't escape.
Lighting in a bottle.
* When we are happy our mind expands, our counsciousness is loose and open. When we are sad or angry our consciousness contracts. We are closed. Closed off too energies, to learning. I am so happy to be open. I saw this quote today on an inspirational card, as cliche' as it sounds it really hit me. it said, " In our pusuite of happiness, we have to stop and just be happy". I am happy. I am greatful. I am open. I am me. :)
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Shiva
I wake up yesterday, embers falling from the sky. it reminded me of maui, when the volcano would go off. Destruction makes new land. The lava flows from the earth, shooting into the sky colors of orange and reds, lava dripping down the moutain, destroying its path yet creating a new one. A huge brush fire broke out yesterday at the marsh, as time went by the flames got bigger and bigger, taking over the sky. They couldn't get it out. Black pieces of land fall like confetti, onto our cars, houses and skin. Today i wake up and its raining. Nature's way of putting out the fire. The god of Destruction is the God of Creation.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
I won the War.
I can not sleep so i write....the tiredness of my body soon i can longer fight. For this war is over. A new battle as begun. As i lower myself into the fields, and think about how the war is won. I am a fighter. I am a lover. I am a friend. I am strong. I am powerful. A surviver till the end. It was a small turning point in north versus the south. I could have went down to the bottom; gotten swallowed by the bullets mouth. Instead i marched across the field of dreams and stared it straight in the eye. I lit up with a smile, as my eyes started to cry.
I see him sleeping in the same cold train station area, 6 nights in a row now. He's bag's all packed up with no where to go. Does he have any family? Does he have in any friends? I hope that he has the power too, that this is not his end. I want to tell him it's going to be alright. All you need to do is win the fight.
I dream my dreams of my life. Knowing that its not always going to be easy, that there will be pain and strife. But i pray and i say that i am greatful for everyday. I can get through it all, nothing stands in my way. Nothing stands in my way. Because:
I am a fighter. I am a lover. I am a friend. I am strong. I am powerful. A surviver till the end.
I see him sleeping in the same cold train station area, 6 nights in a row now. He's bag's all packed up with no where to go. Does he have any family? Does he have in any friends? I hope that he has the power too, that this is not his end. I want to tell him it's going to be alright. All you need to do is win the fight.
I dream my dreams of my life. Knowing that its not always going to be easy, that there will be pain and strife. But i pray and i say that i am greatful for everyday. I can get through it all, nothing stands in my way. Nothing stands in my way. Because:
I am a fighter. I am a lover. I am a friend. I am strong. I am powerful. A surviver till the end.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Revolution
My mom said she found this envelope that Nana left us. It had 4 tickets for us in it to move somewhere warm. Sarah was right she said, New Jersey isn't for you either. You need to be somewhere healthy, where it is nice all year round. I told my family to listen. Please listen. I am always right. We started to pack our stuff and get ready for our big move. I woke up in a panic it was 11:14....I can not tell you how many times i have seen 114 in the past week...My birthday. I feel like i am being pulled in different directions, yet i know where to go. She guides me. Listen to your higher-self. My heart is pounding and I almost can't breathe from the overwhelmingness off it all. Its time for that Revolution. Change the Constitution. If no one will fight, then how will there be any change?
Monday, November 1, 2010
Uptown
Its getting colder, and i'm getting older. Landslide. I read your words like a novel, and i feel that all i want to do is tell you that its gonna be okay. Don't be so sad. Just like me, predictiably predictable. In love with love. It grew so fast over the past, we jump in and drown. Going from uptown to downtown. CPR. Why do i feel the need to always fix things? I want to fix you. I want to fix her. I want to fix them. I just want everyone to be happy. To see the world as it is. Yet my heart aches for your pain. Time will keep turning, as i turn the pages of my story. Who knows what will be the next chapter? I do. Somehow I always know. Its no suprise that your words are so similar to mine. On this path, with guidance by the moon, it starts to fade as a new month begins. Today was her birthday, my nana, my best friend. How i wish i could talk to her and ask her what to do. I know what she would say. Follow your heart. I miss her so much. She let me go, she saw i was happy, and then she went. I love love. I wanna tell you I love you, want to hold your wrinkly hand and comb your grey hair. LOYALTY. Sometimes I am too loyal. Is there such thing? When all we want is what we have then what are we looking for? I can't be here this Winter. I can't be there. I want to, but i am tired. Angels are calling my name. I hear you whisper to me in the wind, that it will be okay. Just keep going, and going and going. Follow your dreams, your heart, your love. Don't stop believin'. You may think i am nuts. I probably am. But i always know. Somehow i always know. Needing to explore my powers deeper, i need to learn something new. Something to match these Black and Blues. All over my legs from last week, your fingers imprinted on my body. A constant reminder. The sun will always shine. I know this, i just wish others did too. I want to jump in the ocean and cleanse myself of the commotion. I'd like to drown for a few minutes. I think i have. I am going uptown.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I
2:15pm
To be honest a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I need this downtime. I need this time to help my family heal. I was fired for a reason. LOYALTY. The seasons are changing and so am i; for the better. The ones you love are the ones who make you that better person. Someone who doesn't know whats wrong can't help. I'll never forget, it was a sunny day in Maui. Around the beginging of June. I was confused, heart-broken and missed my friends and family on the east coast. She drew my cards. FAMILY TOGETHERNESS. LISTEN TO YOUR HIGHER-SELF. PRINCE CHARMING. (i always choose the higher-self card for some reason). I ALWAYS LISTEN TO MY GUT FEELING. As type i can still taste the green you gave me on my tounge lingering from minutes ago, hours ago...This is how i got here. I trust my instincts. I immediatley booked a ticket back to new jersey. I was sad to leave what i had. But once again i felt i needed to be here, not for the worse though, but for the better. I was sad to leave my maui family, but i know i would see them again, somewhere in time eventually. The last time i came home is was because i had a gut feeling that she was going to pass on. I was right. I didn't want to be right. I left around this time last year to go back to maui. To heal. Now, today is her birthday. As i typed my last blog, i went to talk to my parents. They were having the same conversation about her. She is always with us. Energy can never die. The phone rings as i type this, just as it did when my parent's said she wants to talk to her. You came to me in my dreams last night. Wearing the sweatshirt i was wearing. She comes to me a lot. I know she is still here. On earth, she would have been 95. So lucky. It is her birthday, the beginging of her life. Today is a new beginging of my life. The wind is slowly coming from behind. It's gonna glide under my butterfly wings and guide me. I feel its energy, giving me shivers down my body. I never could figure out all the reasons i came back here till today. Sometimes it takes something bad to happen to make you realize what you have. Sadly. Family Togetherness. I wish i never had to go through what i did this past month, but it made me a stronger person, making everyone around me stronger. I love seeing my parents so happy, despite them being sick. 36 years. LOYALTY. The good with the bad. Listen to my higher-self. As always, i trust my insticts, and I will continue to do so. I feel the wind blowing me in a new direction. Media Market Number 2 isn't so bad? Today is her birthday, and i am going to celebrate. She would have liked Strawberry Shortcake. Today sort of feels like my birthday too. After the Holiday rush, And January comes, it will be a new year, and my birthday. I wont be looking at the snow covered hills. I'll be looking at the sun covered hills. Butterflies come from catipilars which to be honest aren't so beautiful at first. Then they cacoon up, and go through a transformation. Come out bursting in color, red, purple, orange, yellow pink. Natural Beauty. A re-birth. I have always been a butterfly. I'll never forget standing staring at the IAO Mountains, watching a butterfly get caught in a spider web. I called for Chassle to save it. He came and let it free. Cynthia said it should have died bc the spiders needed to eat it. I was happy it was free. I am happy i am free. I walked into a spider web. (but leave a message and I'll call you back). I managed to get out. I AM A BUTTERFLY ONCE AGAIN. I can't wait to flutter on by.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I
2:15pm
To be honest a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I need this downtime. I need this time to help my family heal. I was fired for a reason. LOYALTY. The seasons are changing and so am i; for the better. The ones you love are the ones who make you that better person. Someone who doesn't know whats wrong can't help. I'll never forget, it was a sunny day in Maui. Around the beginging of June. I was confused, heart-broken and missed my friends and family on the east coast. She drew my cards. FAMILY TOGETHERNESS. LISTEN TO YOUR HIGHER-SELF. PRINCE CHARMING. (i always choose the higher-self card for some reason). I ALWAYS LISTEN TO MY GUT FEELING. As type i can still taste the green you gave me on my tounge lingering from minutes ago, hours ago...This is how i got here. I trust my instincts. I immediatley booked a ticket back to new jersey. I was sad to leave what i had. But once again i felt i needed to be here, not for the worse though, but for the better. I was sad to leave my maui family, but i know i would see them again, somewhere in time eventually. The last time i came home is was because i had a gut feeling that she was going to pass on. I was right. I didn't want to be right. I left around this time last year to go back to maui. To heal. Now, today is her birthday. As i typed my last blog, i went to talk to my parents. They were having the same conversation about her. She is always with us. Energy can never die. The phone rings as i type this, just as it did when my parent's said she wants to talk to her. You came to me in my dreams last night. Wearing the sweatshirt i was wearing. She comes to me a lot. I know she is still here. On earth, she would have been 95. So lucky. It is her birthday, the beginging of her life. Today is a new beginging of my life. The wind is slowly coming from behind. It's gonna glide under my butterfly wings and guide me. I feel its energy, giving me shivers down my body. I never could figure out all the reasons i came back here till today. Sometimes it takes something bad to happen to make you realize what you have. Sadly. Family Togetherness. I wish i never had to go through what i did this past month, but it made me a stronger person, making everyone around me stronger. I love seeing my parents so happy, despite them being sick. 36 years. LOYALTY. The good with the bad. Listen to my higher-self. As always, i trust my insticts, and I will continue to do so. I feel the wind blowing me in a new direction. Media Market Number 2 isn't so bad? Today is her birthday, and i am going to celebrate. She would have liked Strawberry Shortcake. Today sort of feels like my birthday too. After the Holiday rush, And January comes, it will be a new year, and my birthday. I wont be looking at the snow covered hills. I'll be looking at the sun covered hills. Butterflies come from catipilars which to be honest aren't so beautiful at first. Then they cacoon up, and go through a transformation. Come out bursting in color, red, purple, orange, yellow pink. Natural Beauty. A re-birth. I have always been a butterfly. I'll never forget standing staring at the IAO Mountains, watching a butterfly get caught in a spider web. I called for Chassle to save it. He came and let it free. Cynthia said it should have died bc the spiders needed to eat it. I was happy it was free. I am happy i am free. I walked into a spider web. (but leave a message and I'll call you back). I managed to get out. I AM A BUTTERFLY ONCE AGAIN. I can't wait to flutter on by.
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