Its getting colder, and i'm getting older. Landslide. I read your words like a novel, and i feel that all i want to do is tell you that its gonna be okay. Don't be so sad. Just like me, predictiably predictable. In love with love. It grew so fast over the past, we jump in and drown. Going from uptown to downtown. CPR. Why do i feel the need to always fix things? I want to fix you. I want to fix her. I want to fix them. I just want everyone to be happy. To see the world as it is. Yet my heart aches for your pain. Time will keep turning, as i turn the pages of my story. Who knows what will be the next chapter? I do. Somehow I always know. Its no suprise that your words are so similar to mine. On this path, with guidance by the moon, it starts to fade as a new month begins. Today was her birthday, my nana, my best friend. How i wish i could talk to her and ask her what to do. I know what she would say. Follow your heart. I miss her so much. She let me go, she saw i was happy, and then she went. I love love. I wanna tell you I love you, want to hold your wrinkly hand and comb your grey hair. LOYALTY. Sometimes I am too loyal. Is there such thing? When all we want is what we have then what are we looking for? I can't be here this Winter. I can't be there. I want to, but i am tired. Angels are calling my name. I hear you whisper to me in the wind, that it will be okay. Just keep going, and going and going. Follow your dreams, your heart, your love. Don't stop believin'. You may think i am nuts. I probably am. But i always know. Somehow i always know. Needing to explore my powers deeper, i need to learn something new. Something to match these Black and Blues. All over my legs from last week, your fingers imprinted on my body. A constant reminder. The sun will always shine. I know this, i just wish others did too. I want to jump in the ocean and cleanse myself of the commotion. I'd like to drown for a few minutes. I think i have. I am going uptown.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I
2:15pm
To be honest a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I need this downtime. I need this time to help my family heal. I was fired for a reason. LOYALTY. The seasons are changing and so am i; for the better. The ones you love are the ones who make you that better person. Someone who doesn't know whats wrong can't help. I'll never forget, it was a sunny day in Maui. Around the beginging of June. I was confused, heart-broken and missed my friends and family on the east coast. She drew my cards. FAMILY TOGETHERNESS. LISTEN TO YOUR HIGHER-SELF. PRINCE CHARMING. (i always choose the higher-self card for some reason). I ALWAYS LISTEN TO MY GUT FEELING. As type i can still taste the green you gave me on my tounge lingering from minutes ago, hours ago...This is how i got here. I trust my instincts. I immediatley booked a ticket back to new jersey. I was sad to leave what i had. But once again i felt i needed to be here, not for the worse though, but for the better. I was sad to leave my maui family, but i know i would see them again, somewhere in time eventually. The last time i came home is was because i had a gut feeling that she was going to pass on. I was right. I didn't want to be right. I left around this time last year to go back to maui. To heal. Now, today is her birthday. As i typed my last blog, i went to talk to my parents. They were having the same conversation about her. She is always with us. Energy can never die. The phone rings as i type this, just as it did when my parent's said she wants to talk to her. You came to me in my dreams last night. Wearing the sweatshirt i was wearing. She comes to me a lot. I know she is still here. On earth, she would have been 95. So lucky. It is her birthday, the beginging of her life. Today is a new beginging of my life. The wind is slowly coming from behind. It's gonna glide under my butterfly wings and guide me. I feel its energy, giving me shivers down my body. I never could figure out all the reasons i came back here till today. Sometimes it takes something bad to happen to make you realize what you have. Sadly. Family Togetherness. I wish i never had to go through what i did this past month, but it made me a stronger person, making everyone around me stronger. I love seeing my parents so happy, despite them being sick. 36 years. LOYALTY. The good with the bad. Listen to my higher-self. As always, i trust my insticts, and I will continue to do so. I feel the wind blowing me in a new direction. Media Market Number 2 isn't so bad? Today is her birthday, and i am going to celebrate. She would have liked Strawberry Shortcake. Today sort of feels like my birthday too. After the Holiday rush, And January comes, it will be a new year, and my birthday. I wont be looking at the snow covered hills. I'll be looking at the sun covered hills. Butterflies come from catipilars which to be honest aren't so beautiful at first. Then they cacoon up, and go through a transformation. Come out bursting in color, red, purple, orange, yellow pink. Natural Beauty. A re-birth. I have always been a butterfly. I'll never forget standing staring at the IAO Mountains, watching a butterfly get caught in a spider web. I called for Chassle to save it. He came and let it free. Cynthia said it should have died bc the spiders needed to eat it. I was happy it was free. I am happy i am free. I walked into a spider web. (but leave a message and I'll call you back). I managed to get out. I AM A BUTTERFLY ONCE AGAIN. I can't wait to flutter on by.
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