"To love another is to see the face of God"........
I listened to his speech.....and thought about faith......
Lost in thought i saw energy coming out of the man's hands kneeling before me....
why is it when you pray, you close your hands?
His hands were open, offering all he had to the world
and recieving it back....
I read the passage for January 14th, the day I was Born...
"All those that believed and had faith came together on the day of rest"
The man kneeling infront of me was blind....
He couldn't see, yet he still believed. He was unable to see Jesus's face up on the cross,
the priest drinking the blood of christ, the children walking down the Aisles...yet he knew
FAITH...it's what brings us all together....
even though you can't see...
it is there..
I wish on this day that everyone has faith.
Everyone knows and believes that there is Peace....Eternal Love...
we are all united.
i love you all..
bless you all from the bottom of my heart....
Friday, December 24, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Ryan Tucker
he knows some of my deepest and darkest seceret's...
has seen my at my worse, at my best and no matter what
has always stuck by my side
almost 5,000 miles away at times
and still knows when i need him.....
it started out funny....
we were roomates, and i admit, i annoyed the shit out of him...
talking on my phone while he was sleeping, making noise while getting ready, shutting the door too hard.
but he told me, and taught me....and i took that with me...
and shared it....
we taught each other trust, and shared so much...
when i was broke, he had money, and when i had money he was broke.
we were always there to balance each other out, and knew that it would always work out.
who knew that a jew from new jersey and a mormon from utah could become such good friends.
who knew that the two of them could have such a big family of people from all over...
we are so lucky....
"we all came and went together for a reason" so he says, which i truely agree...
this blog goes out to the coolest nerd i know...Ryan Tucker....
thank you..I love you <3
and i love the rest of my family too <3
has seen my at my worse, at my best and no matter what
has always stuck by my side
almost 5,000 miles away at times
and still knows when i need him.....
it started out funny....
we were roomates, and i admit, i annoyed the shit out of him...
talking on my phone while he was sleeping, making noise while getting ready, shutting the door too hard.
but he told me, and taught me....and i took that with me...
and shared it....
we taught each other trust, and shared so much...
when i was broke, he had money, and when i had money he was broke.
we were always there to balance each other out, and knew that it would always work out.
who knew that a jew from new jersey and a mormon from utah could become such good friends.
who knew that the two of them could have such a big family of people from all over...
we are so lucky....
"we all came and went together for a reason" so he says, which i truely agree...
this blog goes out to the coolest nerd i know...Ryan Tucker....
thank you..I love you <3
and i love the rest of my family too <3
Monday, December 13, 2010
Colors of the Wind
"Easy Skanking" -Bob Marley <3
He was a realist...
she was a dreamer.
if only a few months ago; he could have seen her....
flowers in her hair, flying through the wind without a care...paddling out against the waves,
snorkling in turtle caves. working 40 hours a week, yet going to the beach all the time...
"we go together, opposite attract" (yet another janet jackson reference)
balance.
magnetic fields of energy.
we all have both passions in us, some have more of one than the other...
i like to paint with all the colors of the wind, feel it under my arms
making me soar, towards rainbows and peace.
"taking it easy, we takin' it slow"
doing what i have to do for this amount of time, only two weeks left,
pushing myself to the limits, conisistantly passing the test...
a strong woman am i, hear me rawrrrr....
sleepies :)
He was a realist...
she was a dreamer.
if only a few months ago; he could have seen her....
flowers in her hair, flying through the wind without a care...paddling out against the waves,
snorkling in turtle caves. working 40 hours a week, yet going to the beach all the time...
"we go together, opposite attract" (yet another janet jackson reference)
balance.
magnetic fields of energy.
we all have both passions in us, some have more of one than the other...
i like to paint with all the colors of the wind, feel it under my arms
making me soar, towards rainbows and peace.
"taking it easy, we takin' it slow"
doing what i have to do for this amount of time, only two weeks left,
pushing myself to the limits, conisistantly passing the test...
a strong woman am i, hear me rawrrrr....
sleepies :)
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Its a Wonderful Life
Imagine- John Lennon <3
" To George....the Richest man in town"....
this statement wasn't about money.
it was about love.
tears of gratitude continue to stream from my eyes....
there hasn't been one time where i have watched that movie where i haven't been brought to tears...
happy ones....
he thought he had nothing.
its sad that sometimes you have to see what nothing is in order to truely appreciate what you have...
"you existance impacts everyone's life"....
crossing pathes with someone for even half a second could change their life.
we have the ability to sense things, but life isn't a movie....
we can't meet clarence and see what life would be like if we didnt exist...
he ran into his house and ran to his children....he held his little girl for at least the last three minutes of the movie....smiles, peace and love radiate the room.....the view of the child...
who is greatful for everything, every moment....
i am greatful for every moment.
we camped for days, lived off a campfire the back of two pick up trucks.
about 6 of us or so, adventuring, exploring, learning, sharing, we had the bare mininum
but we had it all....
i love you all. i am so greatful to have friends almost anywhere i touch on a globe....
i get it now.......
imagine......
you may say i'm a dreamer...but i'm not the only one
in john lennon's last interview he said "i dont write to teach or preach, i just want to let out my emotions and share it with the world"....
thank you for your inspirations for letting me share.... <3
" To George....the Richest man in town"....
this statement wasn't about money.
it was about love.
tears of gratitude continue to stream from my eyes....
there hasn't been one time where i have watched that movie where i haven't been brought to tears...
happy ones....
he thought he had nothing.
its sad that sometimes you have to see what nothing is in order to truely appreciate what you have...
"you existance impacts everyone's life"....
crossing pathes with someone for even half a second could change their life.
we have the ability to sense things, but life isn't a movie....
we can't meet clarence and see what life would be like if we didnt exist...
he ran into his house and ran to his children....he held his little girl for at least the last three minutes of the movie....smiles, peace and love radiate the room.....the view of the child...
who is greatful for everything, every moment....
i am greatful for every moment.
we camped for days, lived off a campfire the back of two pick up trucks.
about 6 of us or so, adventuring, exploring, learning, sharing, we had the bare mininum
but we had it all....
i love you all. i am so greatful to have friends almost anywhere i touch on a globe....
i get it now.......
imagine......
you may say i'm a dreamer...but i'm not the only one
in john lennon's last interview he said "i dont write to teach or preach, i just want to let out my emotions and share it with the world"....
thank you for your inspirations for letting me share.... <3
Monday, December 6, 2010
If you love someone, set them free?
"If you Love someone, set them free"...
is this statement true, or will you always wonder what is meant to be?
your destiny, endless possibility, after possibility, one slice of time
can alter your life, one decision, one breathe.
one step foward, one step back...
"we go together opposites attract" (i had to add in the Janet Jackson)
i think, i wonder, i wonder no matter what that i will think
equations of sensations, alternate universe, the answers are diverse
rambles of rattlings and ryhmes, usually sound good in times.
snow. i saw my first snow fall since maui.
everything froze in time. i was thinking about you the instant i looked out the window,
i saw cold frozen dropplets, falling from the sky, a different element that i am used to.
oh snow god, where did you come from?
new elements to my suprise, everyday.
today i litterally was cat woman and crawled up a wall.
i have not only re-developed my inner, but my outer strength
by body is sore, getting harder...
as my body shrink my brain expands.
i am so excited, and want to tell you how happy i am, how happy i am for you.
but for now i will tell someone else.
we are like rats in a race, consistantly achieving our goals.
this is not a competition...
is this statement true, or will you always wonder what is meant to be?
your destiny, endless possibility, after possibility, one slice of time
can alter your life, one decision, one breathe.
one step foward, one step back...
"we go together opposites attract" (i had to add in the Janet Jackson)
i think, i wonder, i wonder no matter what that i will think
equations of sensations, alternate universe, the answers are diverse
rambles of rattlings and ryhmes, usually sound good in times.
snow. i saw my first snow fall since maui.
everything froze in time. i was thinking about you the instant i looked out the window,
i saw cold frozen dropplets, falling from the sky, a different element that i am used to.
oh snow god, where did you come from?
new elements to my suprise, everyday.
today i litterally was cat woman and crawled up a wall.
i have not only re-developed my inner, but my outer strength
by body is sore, getting harder...
as my body shrink my brain expands.
i am so excited, and want to tell you how happy i am, how happy i am for you.
but for now i will tell someone else.
we are like rats in a race, consistantly achieving our goals.
this is not a competition...
Friday, December 3, 2010
Moon River
Moon River
Everynight i come home from work and turn on the Simpsons. Third night in the row, it reflects my day....
"were after the same rainbow's end...waitin' round the bend, my huckleberry friend, moon river and me"
we are all dreamers. weather it to be a famous dj, actor, movie maker, writer....
"dream- maker, you heart breaker"
here for a short amount of time, but while we are. we can learn.
frank sinatra was the first version i heard, and it makes me think of her, her smile, her voice. me and flo talk about my grandma, frank sinatra and multiple things every night. she talks about the "good old days" when the guys were romantic. it is funny how i can relate to a lady in her early 80's and have the same values.
wearing the t shirt sommer gave me saying " I don't like boys I like my Freedom" i smile, smell her lavender herbal blend still left on her shirt rub against my skin i smile to myself and go to bed...
happy.
worked 28 hours in the past 48 hours......i am done for...
Everynight i come home from work and turn on the Simpsons. Third night in the row, it reflects my day....
"were after the same rainbow's end...waitin' round the bend, my huckleberry friend, moon river and me"
we are all dreamers. weather it to be a famous dj, actor, movie maker, writer....
"dream- maker, you heart breaker"
here for a short amount of time, but while we are. we can learn.
frank sinatra was the first version i heard, and it makes me think of her, her smile, her voice. me and flo talk about my grandma, frank sinatra and multiple things every night. she talks about the "good old days" when the guys were romantic. it is funny how i can relate to a lady in her early 80's and have the same values.
wearing the t shirt sommer gave me saying " I don't like boys I like my Freedom" i smile, smell her lavender herbal blend still left on her shirt rub against my skin i smile to myself and go to bed...
happy.
worked 28 hours in the past 48 hours......i am done for...
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Nothing is Negative, Nothing is Positive, It Just Is
Season of the Witch
you can always feel the energy...
the first words he said to me was, "you saved me"....little did he know that he saved me.
he looked all over the gummy frogs. i asked who he was giving them to and he replied that they were for him with a smile. i giggled. he told me they weren't to be eaten that they were for a ceremony.
i already had a good feeling about him. he said quietly, " not to be wierd but i am studying to be a shaman, i am learning about the teachings in peru". we talked for about 20 minutes, about shakra's energy, meta-physics, psychology, reiki, meditation, shiva, vishnu, destruction, creation, paths, atlantis, egypt, transforing of knowledge and energy.
Sleeping on a Summers Day
He told me purple was his favorite color, the reason for this is that it is the crown chakra. We were meant to meet today. He asked me my name, when i replied "Sarah", he smiled and said, " ahh Sarah from the bible was a very strong lady, and so are you". Thank you I said, i know.
Even if someone crosses your path for as little as a second, they can change your life in that short amout of time.That look in each others eyes, the kind smile to cheer up someone's bad day. A sincere compliment. Being humble, honest, old school. Respectful.
I came home from a 13 hour work day, sat down and turned on the TV. The simpsons were on, Lisa met some Wican girls and they were doing a ceremony. The simpsons last night also related to my previous day. At the end of the episode a song played that catched my ear. I have been listening to it for an hour straight. The next song i found by the writer was called Atlantis, another conversation we had about.
"When I look over my shoulder, What do you think I see? Some other cat looking over
His shoulder at me. And he's strange, sure he's strange.
You've got to pick up every stitch,You've got to pick up every stitch,
Beatniks are out to make it rich,
Oh no, must be the season of the witch,
Must be the season of the witch, yeah, Must be the season of the witch.
You've got to pick up every stitch,
The rabbits running in the ditch,
Beatniks are out to make it rich,
Oh no, must be the season of the witch, Must be the season of the witch, Must be the season of the witch.
When I look. When I look out my window, What do you think I see ?
And when I look in my window,
So many different people to be
It's strange, sure it's strange.
You've got to pick up every stitch, You've got to pick up every stitch,
The rabbits running in the ditch,
Oh no, must be the season of the witch,"
I walk into the kitchen to find my subsciption of Yoga Journal Magize. The second article i randomly open to is "The Sun Always Rises", which i continually talk about.
- "just as the sun continues to rise each day,s dispelling the dakrness ofnight and bringing new life and new growth"
- "when you disover that even when circumstances are beyond your control, life often worksout just fine, and sometimes even better than you could have imagined"
you must trust that there is an order as to how things are going, nothing is negative or positive, it just is, and you have to accept that.
I took the man's card with the group's websight, and i see a new bright to my future. The card actually says, "When the student is ready the teacher comes along."
Its been about a week since i saw him. He cought me on my lunch break. Instead of eating i talked to him for a half hour. It felt as though i have known him for years. He even called me to say goodnight when I will see him tomorrow. I miss that sweetness, its what i deserve and I am glad that i am recieving it from the right people. Maybe i do believe in free love?
I can't wait for this adventure......
you can always feel the energy...
the first words he said to me was, "you saved me"....little did he know that he saved me.
he looked all over the gummy frogs. i asked who he was giving them to and he replied that they were for him with a smile. i giggled. he told me they weren't to be eaten that they were for a ceremony.
i already had a good feeling about him. he said quietly, " not to be wierd but i am studying to be a shaman, i am learning about the teachings in peru". we talked for about 20 minutes, about shakra's energy, meta-physics, psychology, reiki, meditation, shiva, vishnu, destruction, creation, paths, atlantis, egypt, transforing of knowledge and energy.
Sleeping on a Summers Day
He told me purple was his favorite color, the reason for this is that it is the crown chakra. We were meant to meet today. He asked me my name, when i replied "Sarah", he smiled and said, " ahh Sarah from the bible was a very strong lady, and so are you". Thank you I said, i know.
Even if someone crosses your path for as little as a second, they can change your life in that short amout of time.That look in each others eyes, the kind smile to cheer up someone's bad day. A sincere compliment. Being humble, honest, old school. Respectful.
I came home from a 13 hour work day, sat down and turned on the TV. The simpsons were on, Lisa met some Wican girls and they were doing a ceremony. The simpsons last night also related to my previous day. At the end of the episode a song played that catched my ear. I have been listening to it for an hour straight. The next song i found by the writer was called Atlantis, another conversation we had about.
"When I look over my shoulder, What do you think I see? Some other cat looking over
His shoulder at me. And he's strange, sure he's strange.
You've got to pick up every stitch,You've got to pick up every stitch,
Beatniks are out to make it rich,
Oh no, must be the season of the witch,
Must be the season of the witch, yeah, Must be the season of the witch.
You've got to pick up every stitch,
The rabbits running in the ditch,
Beatniks are out to make it rich,
Oh no, must be the season of the witch, Must be the season of the witch, Must be the season of the witch.
When I look. When I look out my window, What do you think I see ?
And when I look in my window,
So many different people to be
It's strange, sure it's strange.
You've got to pick up every stitch, You've got to pick up every stitch,
The rabbits running in the ditch,
Oh no, must be the season of the witch,"
I walk into the kitchen to find my subsciption of Yoga Journal Magize. The second article i randomly open to is "The Sun Always Rises", which i continually talk about.
- "just as the sun continues to rise each day,s dispelling the dakrness ofnight and bringing new life and new growth"
- "when you disover that even when circumstances are beyond your control, life often worksout just fine, and sometimes even better than you could have imagined"
you must trust that there is an order as to how things are going, nothing is negative or positive, it just is, and you have to accept that.
I took the man's card with the group's websight, and i see a new bright to my future. The card actually says, "When the student is ready the teacher comes along."
Its been about a week since i saw him. He cought me on my lunch break. Instead of eating i talked to him for a half hour. It felt as though i have known him for years. He even called me to say goodnight when I will see him tomorrow. I miss that sweetness, its what i deserve and I am glad that i am recieving it from the right people. Maybe i do believe in free love?
I can't wait for this adventure......
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Walking in the Rain
I like to keep on going...
i like making you coming.....
feeling your big difference....tasting your difference
a year past but it seemed like minutes...
warm bodies wrapped around one another
this is how its supposed to be.
laughing, talking, kissing.
walking arm in arm in the rain.
the hustle and bustle of the city was so loud
but the only thing i could hear was our hearts beating.
it was only hours before i was walking down the street with him
in the cold wind, hand and hand. subway trains going in the same direction.
at different stops. in less then a 27th of a frame. it was over.
the things with movies are that you are always curious whats going to happen next. there are an infinite amount ending.
familiarity and suprises to come.
you can have your cake and eat it too.
con-grad-u-fucking-lations.
all is fair in love and war.
i like making you coming.....
feeling your big difference....tasting your difference
a year past but it seemed like minutes...
warm bodies wrapped around one another
this is how its supposed to be.
laughing, talking, kissing.
walking arm in arm in the rain.
the hustle and bustle of the city was so loud
but the only thing i could hear was our hearts beating.
it was only hours before i was walking down the street with him
in the cold wind, hand and hand. subway trains going in the same direction.
at different stops. in less then a 27th of a frame. it was over.
the things with movies are that you are always curious whats going to happen next. there are an infinite amount ending.
familiarity and suprises to come.
you can have your cake and eat it too.
con-grad-u-fucking-lations.
all is fair in love and war.
Fly away
At the train station....at a spot where i was not supposed to be these two songs came on:
Leaving on Jet Plane
I'm like a bird
Off track...on the wrong track....
back to the right track...........
i'm leaving on a jet plane because i am free as a bird.......
i know where im going...
yet my heart is staying....
i have to much love to share
Leaving on Jet Plane
I'm like a bird
Off track...on the wrong track....
back to the right track...........
i'm leaving on a jet plane because i am free as a bird.......
i know where im going...
yet my heart is staying....
i have to much love to share
Your invisible now, no secerets to conceal.....
How does it feel? - Bob Dylan
How does it feel
to be on your own.....
like a rollin' stone...
with no direction home......
i was never good at math..
an algerbraic equation that i can't even solve or spell...
so tell me...
how does it feel?
do you want to make a deal?
a new month. a new start again, with an old past.
holding me over.
i like second chances, i got one...
you lost yours....
life is beautiful and love is too
projection through words, hiding it through words.
find your way home.
your invisible now, you got no seceret's to conceal......
How does it feel
to be on your own.....
like a rollin' stone...
with no direction home......
i was never good at math..
an algerbraic equation that i can't even solve or spell...
so tell me...
how does it feel?
do you want to make a deal?
a new month. a new start again, with an old past.
holding me over.
i like second chances, i got one...
you lost yours....
life is beautiful and love is too
projection through words, hiding it through words.
find your way home.
your invisible now, you got no seceret's to conceal......
Saturday, November 27, 2010
One Day is Now
All my life i've been waiting for....
*Sometimes I lay under the moon, and thank god i'm breathing. And i pray don't take me soon, because i am here for a reason. Sometimes in my tears i drown but i never let it get me down, so when negativety surrounds, i know it will all turn around. because all my life, i've been waiting for...
ONE DAY
That day is is now. That day was yesterday, 5 months ago, two weeks from now. Tomorrow.
Happiness warms my body in the 45 degree weather, thinking about that moment,
me and my family, dancing to our song...our arms around each other...about 8 or us or so.
How close we got so soon.
I am so blessed. We are blessed to have found each other. On an island, in the middle of no where.
Something brought us together.
LOVE.
Our instant bond, loyalty, open hearted love has changed my life.
MUCHO MAHALOS.
*Sometimes I lay under the moon, and thank god i'm breathing. And i pray don't take me soon, because i am here for a reason. Sometimes in my tears i drown but i never let it get me down, so when negativety surrounds, i know it will all turn around. because all my life, i've been waiting for...
ONE DAY
That day is is now. That day was yesterday, 5 months ago, two weeks from now. Tomorrow.
Happiness warms my body in the 45 degree weather, thinking about that moment,
me and my family, dancing to our song...our arms around each other...about 8 or us or so.
How close we got so soon.
I am so blessed. We are blessed to have found each other. On an island, in the middle of no where.
Something brought us together.
LOVE.
Our instant bond, loyalty, open hearted love has changed my life.
MUCHO MAHALOS.
across the US hearts beat together
3000 miles away can turn you on 7000 miles can turn you on
but not like the way i do when we are against one another
seceret crushes, desperate rushes. influxes of infaction of the situation
ryan tried to drill in my head free love.
love is free.
but isn't it supposed to be special?
a night of seceret crushes, a past where my hair was dark and my skin was light
my my hair is blonde and my soul is light
not being able to be regonized, by my size, color or energy...
constantly changing.
seceret crushes turn to more.
i dont get why my heart it set on somethign i shouldn't adore.
you said the same words about me a month ago...
who will be the next? this sick game you play online, on the phone or on the text.
we are all guilty, of our lies and disguise. but what for. so you want me more?
i just want to be real, know the deal, feel how you feel.
propisitions, intutions, dates, calls, texts emails,
comparision, something that is unfair-a-sion.
430 in the morning and my heart is bleeding with words.
the problem is i know whats right in my heart you just need to know what you deserve.
i used to do the same to you, and u said the same about me
give it a few weeks, and she will also be a used to be.
not many people come in my life, that i let go...
i had my ten year reuion tonight, with almost everyone i know
i can only buy so much of your convient bullshit. and i am running out of money.
but here i am typing away....it's almost funny...
sexuality can be transecened in many forms.
love can not. fucking love. getting hit on, groped, putting my head down and mope.
trying to dance to a beat myself a guy putting his arms around me like he owns my shelf.
i slap his hand and said to get away. sorry sir. its not ur day.
two days and a new crew. the only thing that is missing
is you.
but not like the way i do when we are against one another
seceret crushes, desperate rushes. influxes of infaction of the situation
ryan tried to drill in my head free love.
love is free.
but isn't it supposed to be special?
a night of seceret crushes, a past where my hair was dark and my skin was light
my my hair is blonde and my soul is light
not being able to be regonized, by my size, color or energy...
constantly changing.
seceret crushes turn to more.
i dont get why my heart it set on somethign i shouldn't adore.
you said the same words about me a month ago...
who will be the next? this sick game you play online, on the phone or on the text.
we are all guilty, of our lies and disguise. but what for. so you want me more?
i just want to be real, know the deal, feel how you feel.
propisitions, intutions, dates, calls, texts emails,
comparision, something that is unfair-a-sion.
430 in the morning and my heart is bleeding with words.
the problem is i know whats right in my heart you just need to know what you deserve.
i used to do the same to you, and u said the same about me
give it a few weeks, and she will also be a used to be.
not many people come in my life, that i let go...
i had my ten year reuion tonight, with almost everyone i know
i can only buy so much of your convient bullshit. and i am running out of money.
but here i am typing away....it's almost funny...
sexuality can be transecened in many forms.
love can not. fucking love. getting hit on, groped, putting my head down and mope.
trying to dance to a beat myself a guy putting his arms around me like he owns my shelf.
i slap his hand and said to get away. sorry sir. its not ur day.
two days and a new crew. the only thing that is missing
is you.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Sparks and Butterfly Kisses
The last words out of my mouth before break was, "I want to meet somebody new".
I was wearing tight black pants, and a form fitting white see through-ish t shirt, hair in a pony tail; rolled out of bed faced. I had 5 minutes left, and he stopped me. I usually say no I am not interested, but he was different. The second I looked into his blue eyes, i felt the energy. It was an amazing 5 minutes. He said he would come visit me later. I am such a sucker for blue eyes and brown hair...especially guys who are foreign and are jewish (the jewish part i have never said until the past 2 years).
I figured out in the second before i started writing this.
I lit my lighter, far away from what i was lighting, what i wanted to be lit sparked, without the lighter coming close to it. The energy transformed before my eyes. The Fire burning so bright, made another spark. And thats what we do.
We make sparks.
I love the sparks.
That is my favorite part.
No matter how we act, we truely attract what we want, what believe, what we deserve.
Surival of the fittest. I think I am going to study the psychological human evolution. Humans, how we have come to have certain characteristics.Why some are so weak minded, other strong, some delusional, others balance.
Why? I find myself asking that question over and over. Curious George.
So I guess I lied, I can be bothered, if I really want to. And thats the truth.
You do what you want. You can make the time, if you want.
I am picky with who I think is worthy of my time, after all...
"I have a party to attend"
Always on the move. ..Queen bee's need to rest sometimes.
I will indulge in a bubble bath....wash my body with the same soap you do...
your warm soapy bubbles all over my body...i miss that...yummmmm :)
you can't stop the energy....
dont let the energy stop you.
I was wearing tight black pants, and a form fitting white see through-ish t shirt, hair in a pony tail; rolled out of bed faced. I had 5 minutes left, and he stopped me. I usually say no I am not interested, but he was different. The second I looked into his blue eyes, i felt the energy. It was an amazing 5 minutes. He said he would come visit me later. I am such a sucker for blue eyes and brown hair...especially guys who are foreign and are jewish (the jewish part i have never said until the past 2 years).
I figured out in the second before i started writing this.
I lit my lighter, far away from what i was lighting, what i wanted to be lit sparked, without the lighter coming close to it. The energy transformed before my eyes. The Fire burning so bright, made another spark. And thats what we do.
We make sparks.
I love the sparks.
That is my favorite part.
No matter how we act, we truely attract what we want, what believe, what we deserve.
Surival of the fittest. I think I am going to study the psychological human evolution. Humans, how we have come to have certain characteristics.Why some are so weak minded, other strong, some delusional, others balance.
Why? I find myself asking that question over and over. Curious George.
So I guess I lied, I can be bothered, if I really want to. And thats the truth.
You do what you want. You can make the time, if you want.
I am picky with who I think is worthy of my time, after all...
"I have a party to attend"
Always on the move. ..Queen bee's need to rest sometimes.
I will indulge in a bubble bath....wash my body with the same soap you do...
your warm soapy bubbles all over my body...i miss that...yummmmm :)
you can't stop the energy....
dont let the energy stop you.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Purity
"All things created perish" He who knows and sees this becomes passive in pain. This is the way to purity" -DhammapadaFinally.
a finale....with a sneak preview ahead.
i still will do what i do when i do how i do.
i always knew, thats why i forgave you
actions speak louder than words
a woman's intution, silly superstition.
we share the same dreams but fight different battles
swimming against the current like a school of fish.
we are all one.
united we stand, devided we fall.
fall. one of the most beautiful times of years.
it always happens this time of year, repeatedly repeated. the cycle.
i moved on last month with high hopes in my heart putting blinders on my eyes,
maybe i should have looked harder.
i have 20/20 vision today.
text messages, im's, smiles across barnes and noble, e mails from strangers, accidently bumping into me at the bar, late night phone calls, groping, whistles, skin touching, tounges tasting. i can't be bothered.
i am busy, don't you know?
and thats where we are the same. we are so busy, looking out for our best interest.
thats why i moved, thats why you moved. to make our lives happen.
focus. focus. focus. clear your fucking mind.
i hope you read this. i hope you all awaken.
i want to reach the state of nirvana, because once you do nothing can take you away. barnes and noble today i read the teachings of buddah, hoped a hot guy would sit next to me
and he did. the law of attraction. him hitting on me was good enough. i couldn't be bothered.
i had to do some self improvement.
constanlty on the move over the last few years, taking 4 months out of the years purposely working
and working and working away.
* not caring about anything but one of my favorite forms of green to take me away on a new adventure.*
not getting the chance to know anyone, and letting the ones i do know go.
such is life. i am sorry. like i said my selfishness is my selflessness, in my perception.
perhaps i self distruct. a time bomb ticking away. delibriting making myself happy, and ruining it.
i thrive on emotion. my words are emotion and passion.
i love love. i love you. i dont care. im not ashamed. these ups and downs.
this roller coaster ride is making me want to puke.
butterflies in my stomache flutter till i meditate them out of my mouth, throwing up the wings splattering the walls.
then the quiet before the storm.
the storm hits
distruction and devistation.
we come together.
and start again.
and that is it.
i think i found the answer.
My Favorite Quotes from my Readings Today by the Dhammapada Teachings of Buddah:
"Victory breeds hatred, for the conquered is unhappy. He who has given up both victory and defeat, the contended is happy"
"From greed comes grief, from greed comes fear, he who is free from greed knows neither grief nor fear"
"The fields are damged by weeds, mankind is damaged by passion, hatred, vanity and lust. Therefor a gift bestowed on those who are free brings great reward"
a finale....with a sneak preview ahead.
i still will do what i do when i do how i do.
i always knew, thats why i forgave you
actions speak louder than words
a woman's intution, silly superstition.
we share the same dreams but fight different battles
swimming against the current like a school of fish.
we are all one.
united we stand, devided we fall.
fall. one of the most beautiful times of years.
it always happens this time of year, repeatedly repeated. the cycle.
i moved on last month with high hopes in my heart putting blinders on my eyes,
maybe i should have looked harder.
i have 20/20 vision today.
text messages, im's, smiles across barnes and noble, e mails from strangers, accidently bumping into me at the bar, late night phone calls, groping, whistles, skin touching, tounges tasting. i can't be bothered.
i am busy, don't you know?
and thats where we are the same. we are so busy, looking out for our best interest.
thats why i moved, thats why you moved. to make our lives happen.
focus. focus. focus. clear your fucking mind.
i hope you read this. i hope you all awaken.
i want to reach the state of nirvana, because once you do nothing can take you away. barnes and noble today i read the teachings of buddah, hoped a hot guy would sit next to me
and he did. the law of attraction. him hitting on me was good enough. i couldn't be bothered.
i had to do some self improvement.
constanlty on the move over the last few years, taking 4 months out of the years purposely working
and working and working away.
* not caring about anything but one of my favorite forms of green to take me away on a new adventure.*
not getting the chance to know anyone, and letting the ones i do know go.
such is life. i am sorry. like i said my selfishness is my selflessness, in my perception.
perhaps i self distruct. a time bomb ticking away. delibriting making myself happy, and ruining it.
i thrive on emotion. my words are emotion and passion.
i love love. i love you. i dont care. im not ashamed. these ups and downs.
this roller coaster ride is making me want to puke.
butterflies in my stomache flutter till i meditate them out of my mouth, throwing up the wings splattering the walls.
then the quiet before the storm.
the storm hits
distruction and devistation.
we come together.
and start again.
and that is it.
i think i found the answer.
My Favorite Quotes from my Readings Today by the Dhammapada Teachings of Buddah:
"Victory breeds hatred, for the conquered is unhappy. He who has given up both victory and defeat, the contended is happy"
"From greed comes grief, from greed comes fear, he who is free from greed knows neither grief nor fear"
"The fields are damged by weeds, mankind is damaged by passion, hatred, vanity and lust. Therefor a gift bestowed on those who are free brings great reward"
Signals over the air
Thursday, "Signals over the Air"
Sometimes things sound better with music in the background...
sugar coated cookies....
"when you say my name i wanna split it from your lips"
hostility is not one of my abilities....
so much to say, yet not a lot of time
like a race....
the toirtise and the hair.....
one too fast, one to slow...
somewhere in the middle don't you know?
i lost everything i had to say........
emotions take over my thoughts, my actions
step back and breathe.
think it through....but thats not what you do when your a writer.
distortion social abortion a contorsion
honesty, lies to comprimise.
go save your soul
mine is saved.
its a bittersweet symphony thats life.....
we can all change....
but changing makes us go in another direction
i am doing this for me. not for you, or you or you.
i love you all. but infact its my selfishness that makes me selfess.
i learn and share, share and learn.
try it.
don't buy into the schemes, the words.
over and out.
my signal is over the air.
*there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on the radio.
there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on the radio.
that's where we hide
the love and lies and sex, on the radio*
Sometimes things sound better with music in the background...
sugar coated cookies....
"when you say my name i wanna split it from your lips"
hostility is not one of my abilities....
so much to say, yet not a lot of time
like a race....
the toirtise and the hair.....
one too fast, one to slow...
somewhere in the middle don't you know?
i lost everything i had to say........
emotions take over my thoughts, my actions
step back and breathe.
think it through....but thats not what you do when your a writer.
distortion social abortion a contorsion
honesty, lies to comprimise.
go save your soul
mine is saved.
its a bittersweet symphony thats life.....
we can all change....
but changing makes us go in another direction
i am doing this for me. not for you, or you or you.
i love you all. but infact its my selfishness that makes me selfess.
i learn and share, share and learn.
try it.
don't buy into the schemes, the words.
over and out.
my signal is over the air.
*there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on the radio.
there's no where to hide.
they stole the love from our lives to put the sex on the radio.
that's where we hide
the love and lies and sex, on the radio*
Friday, November 19, 2010
Walking on Sunshine...Whoa-Oh-oh
My brain is clogged, i dont even know what i am going to write in this blog,
i just know that i have something to say, my words flow more each passing day...
its 240 am and asleep i should be, i have to make lots of honey because i am the queen bee...
a new job awaits me on sunday, where i am in charge, i will be good, my force will be large
and on the side because i am so driven, a second chance is what i have been given
since i am one of the best workers at my new career, letting me go caused a lot of fear
they will let me work there on my days off, i was given a second chance, tomorrow night i will celebrate and dance
tomorrow my family will be together, my baby bowser too, we will snug up together like we always do
he likes to lay in the curves of my calves sniffing and snorting, fitting perfectly together, half and half...
i must go to sleep, i dont want to waste the day; i want to walk in the sunshine as i shape up right away...
i will be walking on sunshine....whoaaaaaa.....and i feel good :)
i just know that i have something to say, my words flow more each passing day...
its 240 am and asleep i should be, i have to make lots of honey because i am the queen bee...
a new job awaits me on sunday, where i am in charge, i will be good, my force will be large
and on the side because i am so driven, a second chance is what i have been given
since i am one of the best workers at my new career, letting me go caused a lot of fear
they will let me work there on my days off, i was given a second chance, tomorrow night i will celebrate and dance
tomorrow my family will be together, my baby bowser too, we will snug up together like we always do
he likes to lay in the curves of my calves sniffing and snorting, fitting perfectly together, half and half...
i must go to sleep, i dont want to waste the day; i want to walk in the sunshine as i shape up right away...
i will be walking on sunshine....whoaaaaaa.....and i feel good :)
Oatmeal
I eat the oatmeal you once fed me..
after we woke up in a warm bed snuggled up with our two puppies...
picture perfect...
2 backpacks....2 puppies....a tent and a sleeping bag..
thats all i needed...for weeks...
we lived off the land and took care of one another...
i had one dog in one hand and u had the other in yours...
we'd go to the beach and let them run around
trusting everyone knowing they would come back safe and sound...
jungle green has apearing....
signals from the middle of no where...
coconut wireless was my favorite device...
sleeping in the cane fields and meeting up in the trees
now i am surrounded by tall buildings and electricty...
they narrow down the signals you send to me...
all i want....is to return to the sea...
i will be as happy as can be...
drifting by you see me....
dancing all night hands in the air
we danced infront of the dj without a care
so much energy runned through my veins
you told me not to be selfish, not be vain....
i openend up my palms and let it go...
shared my love with everyone...i let it flow...
how much i learned in a short period of time...
free love, art, expression, energizing ryhtmic flow, temptation, sensation, as far west to as far east of our nation....you feel what you love and you love what you feel.....all of this is real
after we woke up in a warm bed snuggled up with our two puppies...
picture perfect...
2 backpacks....2 puppies....a tent and a sleeping bag..
thats all i needed...for weeks...
we lived off the land and took care of one another...
i had one dog in one hand and u had the other in yours...
we'd go to the beach and let them run around
trusting everyone knowing they would come back safe and sound...
jungle green has apearing....
signals from the middle of no where...
coconut wireless was my favorite device...
sleeping in the cane fields and meeting up in the trees
now i am surrounded by tall buildings and electricty...
they narrow down the signals you send to me...
all i want....is to return to the sea...
i will be as happy as can be...
drifting by you see me....
dancing all night hands in the air
we danced infront of the dj without a care
so much energy runned through my veins
you told me not to be selfish, not be vain....
i openend up my palms and let it go...
shared my love with everyone...i let it flow...
how much i learned in a short period of time...
free love, art, expression, energizing ryhtmic flow, temptation, sensation, as far west to as far east of our nation....you feel what you love and you love what you feel.....all of this is real
Forever Young
We were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and I had a video camera in my hand...
the song "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart was playing repeatedly throughout this dream...
i woke up with it in my head.
I put the camera on my nana....she was right there with me...
it has been so long since she has come to me...
I heard her say my name...but that is all i can remember....
it was me and my whole family...
mom, dad, sister, me and my grandma...
somehow it went bad and we were invaded by Asian pirates...
they kidnapped and drugged my mom and gramda..
they left me and my sister and dad on the boat...
forever young is still in the background....
for some reason we wind up in oregon...we are in a big house
my sister was waiting outside in the car while me and my dad went to rescue my mom and his mom.
we found them in a room, my grandma was okay and my mom was not...she said that they are coming back soon. we carried them to the car hid them under some blankets in our big van and drove down the country road.....my dream flashed back to a close up of my grandma on the camera...
forever young playing in the background...
i woke up in a panic...with that song stuck in my head...its still playing as i type this....
what does this all mean?
forever young........focused on my grandma who lived till she was 94...
are we all forever young?
are we all young forever?
i don't know......but i think so and i hope so...
at work the other day i met a lady who was 95....she comes up to me, starts chatting and goes "Sarah....i like your name....my next door neighbor's name is Sarah and she is 93....you are going to live a long time" as she looked me right in the eyes. it sent chills down my spine, she was so serious. she blessed me and i said thank you and blessed her too.
for the past two weeks, there have been constant patterns or themes in my life. I believe you attract things based on the waves of your brain and your energy. I also seem to attract the same things when things are going the way they are supposed to be going. Balanced.
I think back to last month how unbalanced i was, and i am so glad to be on the right path again. No more working at a crazy store worrying about my parent's life, going to the hospital all day. I work 40 hours a week, soon to be more, and I am happy. I get to do what i like, pretend i am in Maui while i hoola hoop and sip on fruit smoothies. Meditate, pilates, walk, play jepordy against my dad...which i am actually really good at. A routine. Humans are creatures of Routine.
Speaking of which, in my Routine I usually don't fall asleep till around 2am...last night i fell asleep before 11.
I woke up with the song Forever Young stuck in my head with my nana's face. The phone rings...my dad's voice almost like he was talking to his mother. People have different tones in the voice when they are talking to their mother, friend, lover, co-worker, boss or stranger...I miss that tone in his voice...
Back to yesterday...
Rewind....
yesterday 10pm....what i meant to say...
My powers have been strong recently. My energy high. As yesterday I talked about distruction, I seemed to destroy almost everything in my path. My energy usually effects electronics when this happens. Things tend to break without me touching them when I am around. It started when i signed my paper work at my new job. I went behind the counter, and the computer started to go nuts, making funny noises. My new co-worker had a funny look on her face and says that never happens, only when it goes on and off. I came home and i threw up....my body had to get rid of something unwanted. I come home from work last night, after telling them that I have to cut back on my hours because I have a new job, and telling my other job I have to quit. The one place was actually happy for me. I was happy. After vocally changing my path i walk into my bedroom...and turned on the light. It makes a spark and the light bulb blows out. About 2 hours later, i turn my tv on. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. This loud irrating noise wouldnt stop, actually making my tv vibrate. I couldn't fix it, my dad pronounced that it was done for. Yesterday (actually 2 days ago) the wind gusts so high, there were advisery's....she was excited and loud...trying to say something. I have had a funny feeling for about two weeks now...Ever since i figured things out....and was finalized in my position. What is going on? Why all the commotion? I go to sleep and have the strangest dream about my family...wake up and see your similiar story. Tears pour from my eyes without me even noticing till it hits the top of my hand. All these coincidences are driving me nuts. There is a heavy feeling in my stomache and a light feeling in my heart.
I figured it out, i am lucky to be smart, but i am also sensitive and a dreamer. In order to make my dreams come true, i have to be smart about it, but my sensitivity gets in the way. Some people are just not smart, yet dream and stay in one place. I feel bad for them. But maybe they don't feel bad for themseleves? I dont know. I guess it is better to be me, not sound concided. I'd rather try and fail then never try and wonder.
the song "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart was playing repeatedly throughout this dream...
i woke up with it in my head.
I put the camera on my nana....she was right there with me...
it has been so long since she has come to me...
I heard her say my name...but that is all i can remember....
it was me and my whole family...
mom, dad, sister, me and my grandma...
somehow it went bad and we were invaded by Asian pirates...
they kidnapped and drugged my mom and gramda..
they left me and my sister and dad on the boat...
forever young is still in the background....
for some reason we wind up in oregon...we are in a big house
my sister was waiting outside in the car while me and my dad went to rescue my mom and his mom.
we found them in a room, my grandma was okay and my mom was not...she said that they are coming back soon. we carried them to the car hid them under some blankets in our big van and drove down the country road.....my dream flashed back to a close up of my grandma on the camera...
forever young playing in the background...
i woke up in a panic...with that song stuck in my head...its still playing as i type this....
what does this all mean?
forever young........focused on my grandma who lived till she was 94...
are we all forever young?
are we all young forever?
i don't know......but i think so and i hope so...
at work the other day i met a lady who was 95....she comes up to me, starts chatting and goes "Sarah....i like your name....my next door neighbor's name is Sarah and she is 93....you are going to live a long time" as she looked me right in the eyes. it sent chills down my spine, she was so serious. she blessed me and i said thank you and blessed her too.
for the past two weeks, there have been constant patterns or themes in my life. I believe you attract things based on the waves of your brain and your energy. I also seem to attract the same things when things are going the way they are supposed to be going. Balanced.
I think back to last month how unbalanced i was, and i am so glad to be on the right path again. No more working at a crazy store worrying about my parent's life, going to the hospital all day. I work 40 hours a week, soon to be more, and I am happy. I get to do what i like, pretend i am in Maui while i hoola hoop and sip on fruit smoothies. Meditate, pilates, walk, play jepordy against my dad...which i am actually really good at. A routine. Humans are creatures of Routine.
Speaking of which, in my Routine I usually don't fall asleep till around 2am...last night i fell asleep before 11.
I woke up with the song Forever Young stuck in my head with my nana's face. The phone rings...my dad's voice almost like he was talking to his mother. People have different tones in the voice when they are talking to their mother, friend, lover, co-worker, boss or stranger...I miss that tone in his voice...
Back to yesterday...
Rewind....
yesterday 10pm....what i meant to say...
My powers have been strong recently. My energy high. As yesterday I talked about distruction, I seemed to destroy almost everything in my path. My energy usually effects electronics when this happens. Things tend to break without me touching them when I am around. It started when i signed my paper work at my new job. I went behind the counter, and the computer started to go nuts, making funny noises. My new co-worker had a funny look on her face and says that never happens, only when it goes on and off. I came home and i threw up....my body had to get rid of something unwanted. I come home from work last night, after telling them that I have to cut back on my hours because I have a new job, and telling my other job I have to quit. The one place was actually happy for me. I was happy. After vocally changing my path i walk into my bedroom...and turned on the light. It makes a spark and the light bulb blows out. About 2 hours later, i turn my tv on. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. This loud irrating noise wouldnt stop, actually making my tv vibrate. I couldn't fix it, my dad pronounced that it was done for. Yesterday (actually 2 days ago) the wind gusts so high, there were advisery's....she was excited and loud...trying to say something. I have had a funny feeling for about two weeks now...Ever since i figured things out....and was finalized in my position. What is going on? Why all the commotion? I go to sleep and have the strangest dream about my family...wake up and see your similiar story. Tears pour from my eyes without me even noticing till it hits the top of my hand. All these coincidences are driving me nuts. There is a heavy feeling in my stomache and a light feeling in my heart.
I figured it out, i am lucky to be smart, but i am also sensitive and a dreamer. In order to make my dreams come true, i have to be smart about it, but my sensitivity gets in the way. Some people are just not smart, yet dream and stay in one place. I feel bad for them. But maybe they don't feel bad for themseleves? I dont know. I guess it is better to be me, not sound concided. I'd rather try and fail then never try and wonder.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Queen Bee
On my path of distruction, i take time to plan my flow and avoid some of the flowers...
as intense as my motives may be, i always take time to make some peace
wind chimes and words that ryhme, take some time......
The Queen be on TV, it was meant to be
she made love to the Song, "Come with Me To the Sea"
there is not a day that passes
where you don't come to me
lets go to the sea...the pacific coast is what what want most
I hibernate and debate, my mind jumping from state to state
Its cold, and I'm getting old.....I want to explore, searching...
learning more....
as intense as my motives may be, i always take time to make some peace
wind chimes and words that ryhme, take some time......
The Queen be on TV, it was meant to be
she made love to the Song, "Come with Me To the Sea"
there is not a day that passes
where you don't come to me
lets go to the sea...the pacific coast is what what want most
I hibernate and debate, my mind jumping from state to state
Its cold, and I'm getting old.....I want to explore, searching...
learning more....
Monday, November 15, 2010
Change
After finishing up a conversation with kelly using the words the words, " I have to go get ready for 90210"....and thinking back to almost 20 years ago....i said the same exact words to her..
20 years ago...till today i still watch Lori Laughlin on tv.
I had a flashback to my dream last night....my TV came on and there was a spiritual leader...he said:
"Things will always change, but the things that matter will stay the same".
I still watch 90210. My family and Friends are still the same. My GBG'S have been my best friends since as early as kindergarden.
All of us still get together, and are going to our reunion together. Our crew.
I thought i saw my nana today, even though she passed away last year.
I stood there, confused unknowing what to say. As i stared at her, i realized it was Mrs. Shapiro; one of my personal customers from years ago, who looks like she is part of my family and ironically shares the same last name as part of my family. I wanted to go up to her, but i was shocked. Even though my nana is no longer physically with me, i feel her spirit everyday. that will never change.
I want to change. I want to stay the same.
10:07 pm
i continue to chase the sun, and i get burned. my body hot...
i refuse to wear sunblock.
i dont need any uv protection.
it will only make me stronger.
i will continue to chase the sun. and i will continue to get burned. my body hot...
i will refuse to wear sunblock.
i dont need any uv protection.
it will only make me stronger.
20 years ago...till today i still watch Lori Laughlin on tv.
I had a flashback to my dream last night....my TV came on and there was a spiritual leader...he said:
"Things will always change, but the things that matter will stay the same".
I still watch 90210. My family and Friends are still the same. My GBG'S have been my best friends since as early as kindergarden.
All of us still get together, and are going to our reunion together. Our crew.
I thought i saw my nana today, even though she passed away last year.
I stood there, confused unknowing what to say. As i stared at her, i realized it was Mrs. Shapiro; one of my personal customers from years ago, who looks like she is part of my family and ironically shares the same last name as part of my family. I wanted to go up to her, but i was shocked. Even though my nana is no longer physically with me, i feel her spirit everyday. that will never change.
I want to change. I want to stay the same.
10:07 pm
i continue to chase the sun, and i get burned. my body hot...
i refuse to wear sunblock.
i dont need any uv protection.
it will only make me stronger.
i will continue to chase the sun. and i will continue to get burned. my body hot...
i will refuse to wear sunblock.
i dont need any uv protection.
it will only make me stronger.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Growing- Up
I love getting to know you as the days pass.... i love how quiet you get....after inhaling through a piece of glass
a month has past. i was on the wrong train, but i found my way home.
i did what makes me happy... and that makes me happy.
i set my goal.
i always win.
a lot of people tell me im confident.
thats because i am.
i know what i want.
you will all know me one day.
perhaps i will be the voice that greets you goodmorning on your favorite radio show.... or that column in the newspaper that you can't wait to read tomorrow. maybe im that warm familiar face you tune into every day after a long day of work. hopefully i will inspire you, set a fire inside of you, make your passion rise...
anything is possible.
my soul knows where it needs to go. the cold is not for me.
i always listen to myself, because only I know. i may ask your advice, but i know the real truth.
i love it.
i love you.
i love going to my new job. there are so many kids that brighten up my day.... we play with the bouncing balls, and the fake guitars, the toy bugs and the remote control cars....
we are all dreaming of stars, wishing upon them. we are them. we are whatever we want to be.
when you are a kid, you believe that...
i still do.
you always ask kids...."what do you want to be when you grow up?"
you never hear an adult ask another adult that....what a shame...
aren't we all dreamers deep inside?
i'm not ashamed to admit it. and its not psychology's "Peter Pan Syndrome".
I may be a grown up- but every day i've learned that we are all growing up....
and thats what life is about, loving, exploring, learning, sharing, growing.....
a month has past. i was on the wrong train, but i found my way home.
i did what makes me happy... and that makes me happy.
i set my goal.
i always win.
a lot of people tell me im confident.
thats because i am.
i know what i want.
you will all know me one day.
perhaps i will be the voice that greets you goodmorning on your favorite radio show.... or that column in the newspaper that you can't wait to read tomorrow. maybe im that warm familiar face you tune into every day after a long day of work. hopefully i will inspire you, set a fire inside of you, make your passion rise...
anything is possible.
my soul knows where it needs to go. the cold is not for me.
i always listen to myself, because only I know. i may ask your advice, but i know the real truth.
i love it.
i love you.
i love going to my new job. there are so many kids that brighten up my day.... we play with the bouncing balls, and the fake guitars, the toy bugs and the remote control cars....
we are all dreaming of stars, wishing upon them. we are them. we are whatever we want to be.
when you are a kid, you believe that...
i still do.
you always ask kids...."what do you want to be when you grow up?"
you never hear an adult ask another adult that....what a shame...
aren't we all dreamers deep inside?
i'm not ashamed to admit it. and its not psychology's "Peter Pan Syndrome".
I may be a grown up- but every day i've learned that we are all growing up....
and thats what life is about, loving, exploring, learning, sharing, growing.....
Saturday, November 13, 2010
114
114....
my birthday......repeatedly has been showing itself everwhere. clocks, phone numbers, i keep seeing this number again and again...
today is 11 14....
he got a chance to do this day over....
i like second chances
as i am deep in thought about the number 114 in my dark dining room, i look into the kitchen to see what time it was....
it was
11:14.
this number energy keeps haunting me...
i believe in a lot of things....
mostly i believe in love.
114
... my birthday. i can close my eyes and imagine how much love there was on that day. i was made out of love. i was made to love. to show love, spread love, love love.
114...a new start.....a second chance. <3
my birthday......repeatedly has been showing itself everwhere. clocks, phone numbers, i keep seeing this number again and again...
today is 11 14....
he got a chance to do this day over....
i like second chances
as i am deep in thought about the number 114 in my dark dining room, i look into the kitchen to see what time it was....
it was
11:14.
this number energy keeps haunting me...
i believe in a lot of things....
mostly i believe in love.
114
... my birthday. i can close my eyes and imagine how much love there was on that day. i was made out of love. i was made to love. to show love, spread love, love love.
114...a new start.....a second chance. <3
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Time
Today is your Tomorrow, and your Tomorrow is my today. Time is not linear, don't listen to what they say. Words come to my brain faster than i can think. I dont think, they just flow and go wherever they want, no control. I need a mini notebook to fit into my little purse. Even then i couldn't write as quickly as my non-thinking thoughts pour out of me. If time is not a line, then what are we walking on? I wanna swim backwards in the ocean, against the tides, its a bumpy ride but worth the challenge. So many offers. So little time. People to see, places to go. things to do. my body needs to move. dance the night away, have fun. not care. Tomorrow, will be my today. today will be my tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Half my life ago...and i Knew
We raced home from school and i played my answering machine, "Sarah......i love you". "How would your mom feel if she heard these messages?" she said. "I don't care", i replied with a grr in my voice. She was just jealous i thought in my head, 14 years ago. I was 14, he was 18. Scandelous now that i come to think about it. Its funny after a certain point how age doesnt matter. "You are living in a fantasy" she said to me. "Maybe I am, but I like it". 14 years later i still I am...living in this fantasy. It's called life. And you can dream it to be all you want and more, and may all your dreams come true. You are what you make it. You are your actions, words, meaning, soul, feelings, heart beating blood through the body in rythem to the waves of the ocean, breathe in....breathe out....long breaths....hold it in. let it go....feel your consciousness open and your mind expand. you are swimming in a bath of warm ocean water. The Venus pools; Maui; Love. Venus is the god of love. How about that?
5:12pm
I walk out of the mall with the biggest smile on my face. I am capable of anything. At the other side of the crosswalk waits a limo. Like a Rainbow to a pot of gold. My gut feeling is one day that limo will be for me. As I begin to walk home, I see the sun setting behind the lake. The "water fowl" are singing some song i never heard before, and it draws me in. Tears of happiness drip down my face as i watch the sun go down, as i pass it to you across the world. I pray that you will feel the joy i am experience now and you see the same rainbow off the reflection of my happines.I stand on the bridge and get lost in the water. Watching its tides move west. How i'd give anything to jump in that lake and go where it takes me. I see a man feeding the ducks, he walks the only the white duck to the water. An angel. It paciently waits and a couple of ducks join it. They start bobbing their heads under wear, creating a circle pattern, that gets bigger and bigger and bigger. 5 ducks, once circle. "Listen to your heart......" some of the words get drowned out by the noise of the traffic on 27.... " I dont know where your going and i don't know why...but Listen to your heart" Sometimes i feel that there is someone following me, playing the soundtrack to my life. As i hear the words that i was just thinking.....
5:12pm
I walk out of the mall with the biggest smile on my face. I am capable of anything. At the other side of the crosswalk waits a limo. Like a Rainbow to a pot of gold. My gut feeling is one day that limo will be for me. As I begin to walk home, I see the sun setting behind the lake. The "water fowl" are singing some song i never heard before, and it draws me in. Tears of happiness drip down my face as i watch the sun go down, as i pass it to you across the world. I pray that you will feel the joy i am experience now and you see the same rainbow off the reflection of my happines.I stand on the bridge and get lost in the water. Watching its tides move west. How i'd give anything to jump in that lake and go where it takes me. I see a man feeding the ducks, he walks the only the white duck to the water. An angel. It paciently waits and a couple of ducks join it. They start bobbing their heads under wear, creating a circle pattern, that gets bigger and bigger and bigger. 5 ducks, once circle. "Listen to your heart......" some of the words get drowned out by the noise of the traffic on 27.... " I dont know where your going and i don't know why...but Listen to your heart" Sometimes i feel that there is someone following me, playing the soundtrack to my life. As i hear the words that i was just thinking.....
Monday, November 8, 2010
I Made the Mall Magical....
Magic is everywhere....
I lifted the candle off the shelf, and took one sniff, Island Nectar. I had a flashback to 6 months ago, we were sitting on the rocky ledge, over looking the pacific. The ocean swirled in rythem to the music, and the moon was full. You are the nectar of this island, he says. Thank you. Is this what i smell like?...i thought to myself. Delicous, i am. Up on my thrown i reign across the land, my stick is filled with precious jewels and gemstones, creating such a power. Nothing but love i demand. Island Nectar.
We looked at each other through the glass, and it was love at first sight. We stared into each other eyes, long loving gazes. I wanted to play with him so bad, snuggle him, take care of him....but he couldn't come out to play...he was just a puppy. An Australian Sheepdog. It was the most cutest thing i ever saw. So tiny and smushy...rawr.....yum....
How it feels so good, to feel that summer joy, on a day where the hail beats upon me and it is dark at 5:30.
2:00am
i wrote him a week or so ago, confused. asking his advice. he has been all over and gets the vibe i am diggin'. i asked him without even noticing his status. a new year. a new start. at one of the most magical parties of the year, the first party of the year. i see it now. vibrations floating in the air. waves and bubbles of energy. hot pink purple. the stars will fire, dance, shoot across the moon, to his tune. bumpin' to the beats, people movin' their feet, bodies whirling and twirling, dancing and swirling. creating the winds of the earth that carry will carry me there. this message keeps following me. i must listen. i am so open. i am ready. i will go where the wind wants. following its patterns. listening to its song. Thank You. I am so greatful.
The Beats that Move Us, Move us All
I lifted the candle off the shelf, and took one sniff, Island Nectar. I had a flashback to 6 months ago, we were sitting on the rocky ledge, over looking the pacific. The ocean swirled in rythem to the music, and the moon was full. You are the nectar of this island, he says. Thank you. Is this what i smell like?...i thought to myself. Delicous, i am. Up on my thrown i reign across the land, my stick is filled with precious jewels and gemstones, creating such a power. Nothing but love i demand. Island Nectar.
We looked at each other through the glass, and it was love at first sight. We stared into each other eyes, long loving gazes. I wanted to play with him so bad, snuggle him, take care of him....but he couldn't come out to play...he was just a puppy. An Australian Sheepdog. It was the most cutest thing i ever saw. So tiny and smushy...rawr.....yum....
How it feels so good, to feel that summer joy, on a day where the hail beats upon me and it is dark at 5:30.
2:00am
i wrote him a week or so ago, confused. asking his advice. he has been all over and gets the vibe i am diggin'. i asked him without even noticing his status. a new year. a new start. at one of the most magical parties of the year, the first party of the year. i see it now. vibrations floating in the air. waves and bubbles of energy. hot pink purple. the stars will fire, dance, shoot across the moon, to his tune. bumpin' to the beats, people movin' their feet, bodies whirling and twirling, dancing and swirling. creating the winds of the earth that carry will carry me there. this message keeps following me. i must listen. i am so open. i am ready. i will go where the wind wants. following its patterns. listening to its song. Thank You. I am so greatful.
The Beats that Move Us, Move us All
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Sky of Diamonds
As i write this i decide to put on Bassnectar's version of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. Who ironically played last night in NYC with Beats Antique. Last night. Beats Antique has always been around for the major positive changes in my life. I think about what it would have been like to be at that show last night. Dancing around the crowd of people energy flowing and following me, sprinkling gold glitter, laughing and clapping...holding hands....enjoying the moment. Last night Last year, i was on my plane back to Maui. A layover outwest, i slept in the cold airport. Destiny of different destinantions on the same plane...on the same plane.......on the same plane....different times and clocks, internally built to to keep in time to one another. Seconds, minutes, hours, years. Going foward and back, traveling time by jumping on the sun and hanging on. Picture that. Me in josh's sun proof jumpsuit holding on, waving coming to say hi to you :). I said i would see you in sky of diamonds and i did it. I drempt i was on a plane. The plane lady woke me and asked if i needed to throw anything away. I awoke to a screen of the sky. A black sky with sparkling diamond stars. Just what i wished for. A spaceship taking me over the pacific, thanks to the little einstein, a cartoon guided through the clouds over the pacific ocean . You were there, and you were there, and even you. Kalidoscope eyes. My tenticals grow bigger again, and it is a lot for me to undestand, but somehow i do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw5-Y569HNQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw5-Y569HNQ
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Lightning in a Bottle Blue
*I've been wearing blue, all weekend through, i know he is resting in peace and there is nothing i can do.
I am in the solarium of an aquarium and im starin' at them, shouldn't be carin' bout them, instead sharin' them. So many fish. Bright orange and blue. Pacific ocean is once where i swam too. Back to the warmth. Time to migrate to the gate of something that i just ate that wasn't blue nore pink; it was a green color with a good stink. I take my wrist and make a fist don't make me twist. For clocks tick and I am the music. Each click of the metronome in tone with the harmony of our sound.
R.I.P. Andy Irons
*I had a dream that i was lightning in a bottle. Literally. Like the dream where i was dubstep. I litereally became it. I felt like it was like to be lightening stuck in a bottle. Vigiriously charged atoms, nuetrons and protons, bouncing off, no where to go but another corner. The intensity makes it glow like fire as the energy builds up. Back and forth it goes around and around the Bottle. It can't escape.
Lighting in a bottle.
* When we are happy our mind expands, our counsciousness is loose and open. When we are sad or angry our consciousness contracts. We are closed. Closed off too energies, to learning. I am so happy to be open. I saw this quote today on an inspirational card, as cliche' as it sounds it really hit me. it said, " In our pusuite of happiness, we have to stop and just be happy". I am happy. I am greatful. I am open. I am me. :)
I am in the solarium of an aquarium and im starin' at them, shouldn't be carin' bout them, instead sharin' them. So many fish. Bright orange and blue. Pacific ocean is once where i swam too. Back to the warmth. Time to migrate to the gate of something that i just ate that wasn't blue nore pink; it was a green color with a good stink. I take my wrist and make a fist don't make me twist. For clocks tick and I am the music. Each click of the metronome in tone with the harmony of our sound.
R.I.P. Andy Irons
*I had a dream that i was lightning in a bottle. Literally. Like the dream where i was dubstep. I litereally became it. I felt like it was like to be lightening stuck in a bottle. Vigiriously charged atoms, nuetrons and protons, bouncing off, no where to go but another corner. The intensity makes it glow like fire as the energy builds up. Back and forth it goes around and around the Bottle. It can't escape.
Lighting in a bottle.
* When we are happy our mind expands, our counsciousness is loose and open. When we are sad or angry our consciousness contracts. We are closed. Closed off too energies, to learning. I am so happy to be open. I saw this quote today on an inspirational card, as cliche' as it sounds it really hit me. it said, " In our pusuite of happiness, we have to stop and just be happy". I am happy. I am greatful. I am open. I am me. :)
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Shiva
I wake up yesterday, embers falling from the sky. it reminded me of maui, when the volcano would go off. Destruction makes new land. The lava flows from the earth, shooting into the sky colors of orange and reds, lava dripping down the moutain, destroying its path yet creating a new one. A huge brush fire broke out yesterday at the marsh, as time went by the flames got bigger and bigger, taking over the sky. They couldn't get it out. Black pieces of land fall like confetti, onto our cars, houses and skin. Today i wake up and its raining. Nature's way of putting out the fire. The god of Destruction is the God of Creation.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
I won the War.
I can not sleep so i write....the tiredness of my body soon i can longer fight. For this war is over. A new battle as begun. As i lower myself into the fields, and think about how the war is won. I am a fighter. I am a lover. I am a friend. I am strong. I am powerful. A surviver till the end. It was a small turning point in north versus the south. I could have went down to the bottom; gotten swallowed by the bullets mouth. Instead i marched across the field of dreams and stared it straight in the eye. I lit up with a smile, as my eyes started to cry.
I see him sleeping in the same cold train station area, 6 nights in a row now. He's bag's all packed up with no where to go. Does he have any family? Does he have in any friends? I hope that he has the power too, that this is not his end. I want to tell him it's going to be alright. All you need to do is win the fight.
I dream my dreams of my life. Knowing that its not always going to be easy, that there will be pain and strife. But i pray and i say that i am greatful for everyday. I can get through it all, nothing stands in my way. Nothing stands in my way. Because:
I am a fighter. I am a lover. I am a friend. I am strong. I am powerful. A surviver till the end.
I see him sleeping in the same cold train station area, 6 nights in a row now. He's bag's all packed up with no where to go. Does he have any family? Does he have in any friends? I hope that he has the power too, that this is not his end. I want to tell him it's going to be alright. All you need to do is win the fight.
I dream my dreams of my life. Knowing that its not always going to be easy, that there will be pain and strife. But i pray and i say that i am greatful for everyday. I can get through it all, nothing stands in my way. Nothing stands in my way. Because:
I am a fighter. I am a lover. I am a friend. I am strong. I am powerful. A surviver till the end.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Revolution
My mom said she found this envelope that Nana left us. It had 4 tickets for us in it to move somewhere warm. Sarah was right she said, New Jersey isn't for you either. You need to be somewhere healthy, where it is nice all year round. I told my family to listen. Please listen. I am always right. We started to pack our stuff and get ready for our big move. I woke up in a panic it was 11:14....I can not tell you how many times i have seen 114 in the past week...My birthday. I feel like i am being pulled in different directions, yet i know where to go. She guides me. Listen to your higher-self. My heart is pounding and I almost can't breathe from the overwhelmingness off it all. Its time for that Revolution. Change the Constitution. If no one will fight, then how will there be any change?
Monday, November 1, 2010
Uptown
Its getting colder, and i'm getting older. Landslide. I read your words like a novel, and i feel that all i want to do is tell you that its gonna be okay. Don't be so sad. Just like me, predictiably predictable. In love with love. It grew so fast over the past, we jump in and drown. Going from uptown to downtown. CPR. Why do i feel the need to always fix things? I want to fix you. I want to fix her. I want to fix them. I just want everyone to be happy. To see the world as it is. Yet my heart aches for your pain. Time will keep turning, as i turn the pages of my story. Who knows what will be the next chapter? I do. Somehow I always know. Its no suprise that your words are so similar to mine. On this path, with guidance by the moon, it starts to fade as a new month begins. Today was her birthday, my nana, my best friend. How i wish i could talk to her and ask her what to do. I know what she would say. Follow your heart. I miss her so much. She let me go, she saw i was happy, and then she went. I love love. I wanna tell you I love you, want to hold your wrinkly hand and comb your grey hair. LOYALTY. Sometimes I am too loyal. Is there such thing? When all we want is what we have then what are we looking for? I can't be here this Winter. I can't be there. I want to, but i am tired. Angels are calling my name. I hear you whisper to me in the wind, that it will be okay. Just keep going, and going and going. Follow your dreams, your heart, your love. Don't stop believin'. You may think i am nuts. I probably am. But i always know. Somehow i always know. Needing to explore my powers deeper, i need to learn something new. Something to match these Black and Blues. All over my legs from last week, your fingers imprinted on my body. A constant reminder. The sun will always shine. I know this, i just wish others did too. I want to jump in the ocean and cleanse myself of the commotion. I'd like to drown for a few minutes. I think i have. I am going uptown.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I
2:15pm
To be honest a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I need this downtime. I need this time to help my family heal. I was fired for a reason. LOYALTY. The seasons are changing and so am i; for the better. The ones you love are the ones who make you that better person. Someone who doesn't know whats wrong can't help. I'll never forget, it was a sunny day in Maui. Around the beginging of June. I was confused, heart-broken and missed my friends and family on the east coast. She drew my cards. FAMILY TOGETHERNESS. LISTEN TO YOUR HIGHER-SELF. PRINCE CHARMING. (i always choose the higher-self card for some reason). I ALWAYS LISTEN TO MY GUT FEELING. As type i can still taste the green you gave me on my tounge lingering from minutes ago, hours ago...This is how i got here. I trust my instincts. I immediatley booked a ticket back to new jersey. I was sad to leave what i had. But once again i felt i needed to be here, not for the worse though, but for the better. I was sad to leave my maui family, but i know i would see them again, somewhere in time eventually. The last time i came home is was because i had a gut feeling that she was going to pass on. I was right. I didn't want to be right. I left around this time last year to go back to maui. To heal. Now, today is her birthday. As i typed my last blog, i went to talk to my parents. They were having the same conversation about her. She is always with us. Energy can never die. The phone rings as i type this, just as it did when my parent's said she wants to talk to her. You came to me in my dreams last night. Wearing the sweatshirt i was wearing. She comes to me a lot. I know she is still here. On earth, she would have been 95. So lucky. It is her birthday, the beginging of her life. Today is a new beginging of my life. The wind is slowly coming from behind. It's gonna glide under my butterfly wings and guide me. I feel its energy, giving me shivers down my body. I never could figure out all the reasons i came back here till today. Sometimes it takes something bad to happen to make you realize what you have. Sadly. Family Togetherness. I wish i never had to go through what i did this past month, but it made me a stronger person, making everyone around me stronger. I love seeing my parents so happy, despite them being sick. 36 years. LOYALTY. The good with the bad. Listen to my higher-self. As always, i trust my insticts, and I will continue to do so. I feel the wind blowing me in a new direction. Media Market Number 2 isn't so bad? Today is her birthday, and i am going to celebrate. She would have liked Strawberry Shortcake. Today sort of feels like my birthday too. After the Holiday rush, And January comes, it will be a new year, and my birthday. I wont be looking at the snow covered hills. I'll be looking at the sun covered hills. Butterflies come from catipilars which to be honest aren't so beautiful at first. Then they cacoon up, and go through a transformation. Come out bursting in color, red, purple, orange, yellow pink. Natural Beauty. A re-birth. I have always been a butterfly. I'll never forget standing staring at the IAO Mountains, watching a butterfly get caught in a spider web. I called for Chassle to save it. He came and let it free. Cynthia said it should have died bc the spiders needed to eat it. I was happy it was free. I am happy i am free. I walked into a spider web. (but leave a message and I'll call you back). I managed to get out. I AM A BUTTERFLY ONCE AGAIN. I can't wait to flutter on by.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I
2:15pm
To be honest a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I need this downtime. I need this time to help my family heal. I was fired for a reason. LOYALTY. The seasons are changing and so am i; for the better. The ones you love are the ones who make you that better person. Someone who doesn't know whats wrong can't help. I'll never forget, it was a sunny day in Maui. Around the beginging of June. I was confused, heart-broken and missed my friends and family on the east coast. She drew my cards. FAMILY TOGETHERNESS. LISTEN TO YOUR HIGHER-SELF. PRINCE CHARMING. (i always choose the higher-self card for some reason). I ALWAYS LISTEN TO MY GUT FEELING. As type i can still taste the green you gave me on my tounge lingering from minutes ago, hours ago...This is how i got here. I trust my instincts. I immediatley booked a ticket back to new jersey. I was sad to leave what i had. But once again i felt i needed to be here, not for the worse though, but for the better. I was sad to leave my maui family, but i know i would see them again, somewhere in time eventually. The last time i came home is was because i had a gut feeling that she was going to pass on. I was right. I didn't want to be right. I left around this time last year to go back to maui. To heal. Now, today is her birthday. As i typed my last blog, i went to talk to my parents. They were having the same conversation about her. She is always with us. Energy can never die. The phone rings as i type this, just as it did when my parent's said she wants to talk to her. You came to me in my dreams last night. Wearing the sweatshirt i was wearing. She comes to me a lot. I know she is still here. On earth, she would have been 95. So lucky. It is her birthday, the beginging of her life. Today is a new beginging of my life. The wind is slowly coming from behind. It's gonna glide under my butterfly wings and guide me. I feel its energy, giving me shivers down my body. I never could figure out all the reasons i came back here till today. Sometimes it takes something bad to happen to make you realize what you have. Sadly. Family Togetherness. I wish i never had to go through what i did this past month, but it made me a stronger person, making everyone around me stronger. I love seeing my parents so happy, despite them being sick. 36 years. LOYALTY. The good with the bad. Listen to my higher-self. As always, i trust my insticts, and I will continue to do so. I feel the wind blowing me in a new direction. Media Market Number 2 isn't so bad? Today is her birthday, and i am going to celebrate. She would have liked Strawberry Shortcake. Today sort of feels like my birthday too. After the Holiday rush, And January comes, it will be a new year, and my birthday. I wont be looking at the snow covered hills. I'll be looking at the sun covered hills. Butterflies come from catipilars which to be honest aren't so beautiful at first. Then they cacoon up, and go through a transformation. Come out bursting in color, red, purple, orange, yellow pink. Natural Beauty. A re-birth. I have always been a butterfly. I'll never forget standing staring at the IAO Mountains, watching a butterfly get caught in a spider web. I called for Chassle to save it. He came and let it free. Cynthia said it should have died bc the spiders needed to eat it. I was happy it was free. I am happy i am free. I walked into a spider web. (but leave a message and I'll call you back). I managed to get out. I AM A BUTTERFLY ONCE AGAIN. I can't wait to flutter on by.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Josh's Pictures
I scroll through his pictures. Nothing but love. You can literally the goodness coming out of every single person. Friends, Past loves, Acquintances, all share one thing. GOODNESS. Somewhere over the rainbow, where there is a rainbow almost everyday. People are light and happy. The sun is shining, the weather is sweet...makes me wanna movem my dancin' feet. Camping, Beaching, Baby Showers and more. I miss being so close to that energy. Working sometimes over 40 hours a week, but being happier and having more fun then i ever had in my life. Yes, i am a dreamer. There is no reason not to do what you want. What makes you happy. It doesnt matter what others think. It's what makes you happy. I am blessed that I have a lot of things that make me happy. How i wish though i can fly around the world and hug each one of my friends. My wish will come true. You never know when you will see someone. There are so many people i never thought i'd see again, and somehow i have. Goodbye's aren't forever. Shoutouts to people that i think about more than i talk to, yet i know will always support me and be there for me. No particular order: Everyone in Maui and especially: Andy Tits Bergman, Ryan Fucker, Joshy Markuley, Chemmy baby my moon howler parner in crime, Is-ac-ac-ac and Laina, Shlomi-jewbitch, Laura Baby, CAZ-sistah, Miss Cynthia Bennet momma but really sister, All the GBG'S, My sister of course, Mattybaby, Matt coco sometime macadamia nutF. Smith, Rachel, Jen Meg, D. venus, Brandon in Baltimore, Pedro, My parents who will never read this. My nana who is not on earth, yet will read this. Uncle Whacky, My Twatlight girlfriend, Leebaby, Terry, Chasshole, and everyone else who i am too tired to type. Thank you. I love you all and will always be there for you <3 Aloha
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Dreams Do Come True
So i had that dream the other night, how i got on the wrong train and had no money to get back home. Today on my way home from the city, the lady on the train sitting next to me must have sensed something from me. She asked me if i was okay for no reason and asked if i needed any money. I told her no everything is good and that she was so sweet but i dont need any money. Money, what a waste. Over the past couple days i have felt a turn around in my spirit, i found my soulf again. Never in New York City, have I ever met so many nice people that were not in my scene. You get what you give off. Yesterday, a street kid needed to make a phonecall, and asked if he can use me or my friends phone. My friend said no, but i said yes, even though I have very few minutes and can't any till Friday. KARMA. Everything you put out and you want you get. A man let me cross the street the other day then happend to walk into a store right behind me, so i waited and held the door open for him. I numbed myself to the world and I am so happy to be back on this frequency. Ever since i started doing what i used to do, thanking the universe and being grateful nothing but good things continuesouly keep happening to me. I am a strong woman, and I am so proud of myself that I have gotton through all of this. I feel the maui magic in new jersey. I am who I am no matter where I go. So many people tell me I have such good energy, and that good energy is going to be within me no matter where in the world i am. Even if i am not in maui, the magic is still here. Somewhere over the rainbow.........thats where i am. A land of dreams and magic, thats what life is. Making your dreams come true. A guy told me last time that you have to dream in order to make it to come true. If you just do it, its not a dream. You have to wait for the wind to come under your arms before you can take off. I have so many special in my life. All over the world. Here in New Jersey, Out in the Maui Jungle, Europe, South America, Canada, Montana, California, Florida, Colorado. All over the world our love is united. THANK YOU. We are all one. The past couple of days after i get out of work my favorite childhood song keeps being played as I walk outside of work. Somewhere over the rainbow. In many different versions too. "If birds fly over the rainbow, why oh why can't I"? I AM. I AM.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
The Wrong/Right Train
I was trying to get to Helaina's wedding, and i was such in a rush i hopped on the wrong train. The conductor said im sorry there is nothing we can do to stop it, you are going to deleware. I told her i only had 29 dollars to my name and that i had no way of getting back home. that this was all a mistake. i called my dad and he told me he had bonus travel points and tried to take care of things. i sat back on my cross country tour, somehow the train divertd to michigan. i saw the beautiful bold mountains, the hills moving like the a rollercoaster. i made a mistake. i got on the wrong train, yet i was still happy. It was what i needed. If i got on the train that took me to New Jersey I wouldn't have experienced all this beauty. I woke up so happy. The sun beating on my chest, my hand wrapped around your stone, hand on my heart. Sometimes you have to take the wrong train.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Nine to Five
i dont want to work monday though friday
nine to five
i dont want to come home from work
and turn on the tv to see sad news stories...
i want to be the one....
the one who when you come home from your
nine to five
that you see when you turn on the tv
and i want to bring you happiness.
i want to make a difference
folding shirts won't change the world.
nine to five
i dont want to come home from work
and turn on the tv to see sad news stories...
i want to be the one....
the one who when you come home from your
nine to five
that you see when you turn on the tv
and i want to bring you happiness.
i want to make a difference
folding shirts won't change the world.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
The Wish Flower
Everytime i find one of those flowers(i call them wish flowers)...the picture of the flower on my blog page; i pick it up, close my eyes make a wish and blow....i watch the petals magically fly through the air. as though i am sending my energy everywhere.
this morning i woke up.....so happy....
i found to wishes in my hair :)
this morning i woke up.....so happy....
i found to wishes in my hair :)
Friday, September 10, 2010
L O V E
With her walker in hand she stops; "everytime i pass by you i feel this peace radiating eminating from you; its so wierd"....it gives me goosebumps...
thats not the first time i have heard that.....but it wasn't until recently....
i said the same thing to him as he massaged my body knowing exactly how to heal me; "how are you so peaceful?"
I was enlightend that evening with David Starfire's magic music in the air.
It was like re-learning something i already knew....
i was inspired
we are all mirrors of one another.
my senses are now more awakend then ever before in my life.
yet i feel more calm then ever before.
i take my sage and cleanse my body....watching the smoke fill the air
i think about all those times we would clean each other...smoke so thick
blocking us from the outside world.
and i sit back and laugh to myself. there is actually someone in the middle of the ocean; in the middle of the jungle, in the middle of no where thinking about me. and i am thinking about them. and through all the crazy radio, television signals in the air. through the buildings and the clouds....we connect. always. and forever.
the wind. the wind! the wind the wind the wind! as i type those words, she opens my mothers bedroom door, as though she knows i am talking about them.
l
o
v
e
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpLieZHP3dA
thats not the first time i have heard that.....but it wasn't until recently....
i said the same thing to him as he massaged my body knowing exactly how to heal me; "how are you so peaceful?"
I was enlightend that evening with David Starfire's magic music in the air.
It was like re-learning something i already knew....
i was inspired
we are all mirrors of one another.
my senses are now more awakend then ever before in my life.
yet i feel more calm then ever before.
i take my sage and cleanse my body....watching the smoke fill the air
i think about all those times we would clean each other...smoke so thick
blocking us from the outside world.
and i sit back and laugh to myself. there is actually someone in the middle of the ocean; in the middle of the jungle, in the middle of no where thinking about me. and i am thinking about them. and through all the crazy radio, television signals in the air. through the buildings and the clouds....we connect. always. and forever.
the wind. the wind! the wind the wind the wind! as i type those words, she opens my mothers bedroom door, as though she knows i am talking about them.
l
o
v
e
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpLieZHP3dA
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Rainbow Filled the Sky
Well I woke up this morning....rainbow filled the sky.....
and that was god telling me...everything is gonna be alright.......
i miss you and your hoola hoop.....
circling around my body....up and down.....
over my knees...my waist...my chest....
spinning around my neck.....
everyday i sit here and miss something......a land far far away....
somewhere over the rainbow
the sun breaks through the clouds as i type this.
she is always with me.
at my last massage she told me "the moon is always there even if you can't see it"
everyday since then i have seen a rainbow....she loved rainbow's too....
what does this all mean?
i hate to say it but i never felt this way when i was there...never thought about oil poluted waters the way i think about beautiful beaches and jungly jungles....how i yearn to be in peace...
somewhere over the rainbow
and that was god telling me...everything is gonna be alright.......
i miss you and your hoola hoop.....
circling around my body....up and down.....
over my knees...my waist...my chest....
spinning around my neck.....
everyday i sit here and miss something......a land far far away....
somewhere over the rainbow
the sun breaks through the clouds as i type this.
she is always with me.
at my last massage she told me "the moon is always there even if you can't see it"
everyday since then i have seen a rainbow....she loved rainbow's too....
what does this all mean?
i hate to say it but i never felt this way when i was there...never thought about oil poluted waters the way i think about beautiful beaches and jungly jungles....how i yearn to be in peace...
somewhere over the rainbow
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Lip Stain
PosieTint Lip Stain, Feathered Earings, EZ Widers and Gold Glitters. You asked me where i see myself in 6 months. I dont know where i will be tomorrow. At least i was honest. I like that. You like that. But where do i want to be? Good question. I actually like what happend. The order in the chaos. Entropy.
Mother wind has been talking to me all day. So loud that she actually hit my moms car door onto another car. What are you trying to tell me. You all ask me the same questions; but i don't know the answer. I like where I am. Lost amongst the colors of the green grass, 500 shades of green dance and sing with mother earths ring.
Dearest Moon,
please come out and play.
Things i miss about you:
1.the way you shine so brightly while looking at me
2. the way you smile down upon me
3. the way you make me feel
i know you must go through your phases, but i feel your gravity pulling me soon...
Always answers to orders of others. i must go.or not. screaming. Chaos. digging into my core. making me physically sick.
p.s.- please come out soon!
ugh.
Mother wind has been talking to me all day. So loud that she actually hit my moms car door onto another car. What are you trying to tell me. You all ask me the same questions; but i don't know the answer. I like where I am. Lost amongst the colors of the green grass, 500 shades of green dance and sing with mother earths ring.
Dearest Moon,
please come out and play.
Things i miss about you:
1.the way you shine so brightly while looking at me
2. the way you smile down upon me
3. the way you make me feel
i know you must go through your phases, but i feel your gravity pulling me soon...
Always answers to orders of others. i must go.or not. screaming. Chaos. digging into my core. making me physically sick.
p.s.- please come out soon!
ugh.
Paradise Circus
When i heard those words in the crowded batrhoom stall watching my friend point her finger practically in some poor strangers face; thats when i knew it was only gonna get better. I had that funny feeling all day, like something was gonna happen. I can't believe there are people getting paid 30,000 dollars an episode for this; with millions of viewers. Jersey Shore is my life. We danced around the floor till 3am, getting thrown around by boys like a pinball. Thats when i saw her crying. "My wallet is gone". and then i heard the laughter. we all looked but no one could find it so late, and thats when things boiled in the hate. "you tall lesbian bitch i know you want me" the words went back and forth for minutes. clearing each others thoughts louder and louder. "i am gonna strangle you by your long blonde hair". i can't believe i was stuck in a taxi fight. i swear i watched this on tv last week. nothing but love. she jumped out of the car with her hands like claws and we went inside and hung out for a while. she slamed and locked her door, dancing in the devils smile. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEgX64n3T7g
but we like it when we are spinning in his grin.......
but we like it when we are spinning in his grin.......
He's not the Right one. He's part of the Many.
She died about a week ago this time last year. Never getting to see the next Jew Year. As she laid in her hospital bed, she handed me her neclace and said:
"you will find the right one, i know it in my heart it will be soon"... the next day i "met" someone the next day around noon. we woke up on the living room floor and looked into others eyes...."who are you?" "who are you?" what a lovely suprise.
she just wanted me to be happy. that what she was waiting for. before she can go explore the unknown, or have we all seen this before?
You saved in my dreams last night. I dont know how that car is still running. A true maui cruiser. A car that can hold up to 14 people or more. Reminding me. There isn't just one. There isn't 3. There are so many people that i love. that love me. all over the world. a big family.
I can't help to think but maybe there isn't the right one. Because i found the right many. <3
"you will find the right one, i know it in my heart it will be soon"... the next day i "met" someone the next day around noon. we woke up on the living room floor and looked into others eyes...."who are you?" "who are you?" what a lovely suprise.
she just wanted me to be happy. that what she was waiting for. before she can go explore the unknown, or have we all seen this before?
You saved in my dreams last night. I dont know how that car is still running. A true maui cruiser. A car that can hold up to 14 people or more. Reminding me. There isn't just one. There isn't 3. There are so many people that i love. that love me. all over the world. a big family.
I can't help to think but maybe there isn't the right one. Because i found the right many. <3
Broken Heart Start
I read your blog, and this is how it starts. Now i am sitting here with a broken heart. You wanna to free express and undress, caring about nothing but whats best.....for you. Free expression of words makes me anger in rage, energy so intense it froze my facebook page. I am not about ryhmes or times. So tell me again, how many girls does it take to cure a broken heart? One from the club, minus 3 kisses and a chat on skype to a girl far apart? divide that in three by the number of times you lied. then multiple that by the times you cried. you said i knew. and i always did. yes i always give in. i have some high hopes . life is a fairy tail and i am pocohontas. well guess what mr. smith? i need to stay with my people. the ones that love me. if life is about love, and you know its all around...what are you constantly searching for? hasn't it already been found? a walking contradiction.
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